


Only When Shared

by Olivelikecrazy



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: College, F/M, Falling In Love, High School, Just for funsies, Love, Musicals, What am I doing, Wicked - Freeform, Writing, fiyero - Freeform, goals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-25
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-16 04:03:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/857561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olivelikecrazy/pseuds/Olivelikecrazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Charlotte Hyde and Aaron Tveit. Both very active in their school's drama department meet and immediately become as close as two can become. What started out as a high school friendship spirals out of control into the world of family troubles, money, goals, education, career, and especially, love. READ IT. or don't. I'm not the boss of you. “Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A new year meant a new start for paint crew! I was to be the new leader and I honestly had faith this year would be better than any year before. Not me in particularly, but there was real talent here.

The only problem was the actors. Sometime it feels as if there is no feeling stronger than the hatred i feel for those scoundrels. They are always walking about, as if the show could not go on without them. What would they do if the light crew forgot to show up, or construction just laid around in the make up room drinking tea and complaining about their costumes? Of course I never expressed these feelings. I actually liked keeping to myself and painting. I found comfort in the millions of buckets of half empty paint cans we owned. Maybe it was because it was something I would never have anywhere else. Theatre found me when no one else could.

The annual thespian meeting started off everyone's first day of work. Every crew separated from each other due to rivalries that started before any of us were in high school. We were doing Wicked. I would of truly supported this decision if we weren't so cheap. Wicked was a production that required more than we could offer. I headed backstage with my band of misfits only to be interrupted by a tap on my back. It was my favorite teacher, Mrs. Grey. She was also the director of the musical.

"How was your summer, Charlotte?" She asked.

"It was great! How was yours?"

She nodded. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor." She smiled brightly and my curious gaze. "Some of the actors are worried about the performance they will give. The cast is just so big I won't be able to help everyone. So, I was wondering if you could help."

"Oh, Mrs. Grey, I don't know I mean-" "I already assigned you to your actor of the day." She pointed to him. "His name is Aaron Tveit. He is playing Fiyero. I find he is having trouble being intimate with Elphaba. Which is weird because I believe she is his girlfriend."

I sighed. "What is it you want me to do?"

She waved her arounds around. "Whatever you think is best! Run lines with him, show him something that's really uncomfortable so he feels more comfortable on stage." I looked over at him. His girlfriend draped over him. "I've told you, when you were in my class, you taught me more than I taught you. I know you can do this." I nodded. "Okay, okay."

I walked over to the two love birds. "Hey Fiyero," I said awkwardly trying to distract him from his girlfriend.

"Me?" He asked . I nodded. "Claire stop." She sat on his lap kissing his neck, not even stopping while I talked to him. "Claire, seriously." She looked up at me. "What do you want?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm Aaron's new personal director of sorts."

"What would you know about acting? You're just on crew." I bit my tongue. Aaron softly lifted her off him in a way I can't describe.

"That's great," he expressed. "When do we start?"

I smiled at his enthusiasm. "Now?" I looked at Claire. "If you're not too busy." She was definitely one of the actors I hated.

Aaron stood up and we walked together to a rehearsal room in the music department. I chose this destination because the room is small. Being in a small room with someone you barely know can get pretty uncomfortable. "So what made you want to be an actor?" I asked. I decided today would be an interrogation day.

He scratched the back of his neck. "I'm good enough at it." The giggle after everything he said let me know he was nervous. I asked him a plethora of general question to which he always chose the answer that required little to no explanation.

"Can I ask you some questions?"

I raised my eyebrow. "I'm an open book."

He leaned back in his chair. "Why are you doing this?"

"A favor for Mrs. Grey. She asked me to."

"Why?"

"She just thinks you need some more help." He was confused. I could tell he didn't want to need to help. I almost felt sorry for him. "What do I need help with?" He tried to act more concerned than sad.

"She thinks..." I looked at him. Really looked at him. He was longing for approval, the need to be perfect. "She thinks you smell. Like really bad."

We laughed and I just saw the tension release. "And your interrogation is going to help me with that?"

"Oh I'm just trying to find a way to remove your fowl odor."

"Ah, I see. You are not the greatest smelling yourself."

"What! I shower every seven days!" Banter was exchanged until we both decided it was time to go home. He made me miss the late bus so I could "help" him more and insisted on driving me home. When we did arrive at my home he thanked me for the "life changing expertise" I provided him, in return I thanked him. And that was it. I was to have a new actor tomorrow, and that was that.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where were you yesterday? We didn't get anything done." my friend fellow crew member, Frankie, asked as we approached a table in the cafeteria. 

"I had to fulfill a favor for Mrs. Grey. I won't be there today either." I saw her roll her eyes. "I formally deem you in charge." I said whilst throwing a carrot at her face.

"Look who's coming to greet you." She nodded her head towards Mark Way. He has, on many occasions, proclaimed his undying love for me. 

I stuffed as much of my sandwich in my mouth as I possibly could, in hopes of choking. "Hey ladies!" he greeted. I nodded my head. "Hey Mark," Frankie said. It was then that I noticed Aaron standing in the foyer with a group of his friends. I couldn't help but wonder what he had said to make them laugh.

"So what's the play this year?" Mark asked, looking directly at me. I lifted my index finger, signaling that my mouth was full. "Wicked," Frankie said, annoyed, not looking up from her tray of French fries.

"So, Mark, why is it you felt the need to approach us?" I asked.

He all of a sudden became almost shy. "Do I really need an excuse to look at your shining face?" I gave him the are-you-serious look. it was silent until Frankie mercilessly told him he should probably leave. 

Frankie and I both had band next period and decided to walk over a little early. Unfortunately, that meant having to walk pass Aaron's and his group of friends. I for some reason found it necessary to avoid any type of eye contact with him. It was moments like this that made me feel like the most awkward human being on the planet. I walked almost too fast, making Frankie suspicious. "What's wrong?" she asked. I turned to give her an excuse I was to make up; but alas, it was too late. Aaron was calling my name and running towards me. "Charlotte, wait!" we never formally introduced each other. 

"Hey," I said. Too joyfully? I think so. I needed a sandwich to choke myself. 

"So am I in for another enlightening lesson today?" a quiet giggle escaped my lips. 

"I'm afraid not, my young grasshopper. I must spread my wisdom throughout the pack." why do I talk like a fortune teller?

He brought his hand up to the back of his neck, rubbing it, nervously perhaps? "That's a shame." he spoke quieter.

I nodded. "Yeah," 

"Well once you make your rounds, let me know. We can have a reunion of sorts."

I held back the dumbest smile. "I'll let you know when I'm available."

The day went by fast and before I knew it, I was back in the auditorium. Mrs. Grey had just finished taking attendance of the many actors when I had arrived. "Miss Hyde!" she beckoned.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to talk to-" 

"Yes that is all very well. You need to take Aaron again today." I looked over at him confused. He was practicing a dance with his understudy. "Why is this?" I asked.   
I looked at her to find she was looking at him also. "His request" I looked back over to find he was running towards me. I started to walk towards him also.


	3. Chapter 3

"Come over." Aaron begged on the Friday before tech week (formally known as, hell week). We were both bored and not wanting to do anymore work. I shut my script. "Aaron," I didn't know what to say. We had just been spending so much time together and he had this girlfriend and going to his house would just be crossing a line. I didn't say any of this of coarse. 

"I have cheerios," Before I could protest he said: "Honey nut!"

I laughed. "Fine." "Really?" "Yeah, yeah." he grabbed my index finger with his own and started pulling me towards the emergency exit that no longer let out an alarm and we sneakily walked to his car. 

"Are your parents going to be home?" I asked as the reality of the situation caught up to me. 

He shook his head. "They're on vacation," He looked over at me and let out a giggle of sorts. "Something wrong?" It didn't feel right. He was the literal definition of everything I hated. Actor, athlete, ACTOR. Seriously if the rivalry between cast and crew were any stronger, I would probably own a dart board with a picture of his face taped to the middle with darts in his eyes.

I shook my head. "Are you okay?" 

"Oh I'm more than okay, I'm superb." 

"I feel a similar rush of euphoria," he turned on the radio and turned up as loud as he could and started singing along. I didn't know the song but I sang along as well.

When we arrived at his large home, I stood at his steps in awe. It was just so pretty and home-y looking. "Your house is amazing." I said while looking at the interior. 

He wiped an eyelash from his eye. "It does the job." He took my whole hand and dragged me down to the basement. It was cold, but still amazing. "It smells like I thought it would down here." I turned to him. "Is that weird?" he laughed. "Very," He pulled me to the mini fridge. I couldn't help notice the abundance of alcoholic beverages he had acquired. 

"Wow." he followed my gaze in the direction of the many different colored bottles. 

"Yeah," he stepped in front of it and started to pour something into two cups and then handed one to me. We raised our glasses. "To Fiyero," I said.

"To...paint!" he cheered. I giggled before downing the drink. it burnt my throat but I tried not to let it show. We each took a bite into the lime he had formerly cut. I cleared my throat. "We should play a game!" I suggested.

"Like a drinking game?" I nodded. "Like what?"

"You know the one where someone says like, 2 truths and one lie and then you have to guess."

"Okay you start." He poured more into both the cups and we sat on the stools.

"Hmmm," I already felt my mind starting to cloud. "I have a sister, I can sing, and..." I squeezed my eyes shut. "I have brown eyes."

"You're lying about the brown eyes one." he said surely. 

I opened my eyes and shook my head. "Nope I can't sing!"

"No!" protested. "Your eyes are a mixture of a bunch of different colors like green, and grey, and even yellow sometimes." A smile crept across his face but he wasn't looking at me. He eventually accepted his defeat and took a drink. 

"Your turn," I said quieter than intended.

"Alright," The stool made a creaking noise as he straightened his back. "I can clap with one hand, my favorite superhero is superman, and my hair is naturally brown."

I thought. "The one handed clap." He bit his bottom lip and smiled. "Nope,"

"What? What does that even mean?!" he put his cup down and proceeded to make a clapping noise with one hand. I couldn't stop myself from laughing. 

He poured more in my cup. "You have to drink twice for making me demonstrate!" I abided by his rules. 

"What was the lie?" I asked in between drinks.

"The brown hair one." 

"Your favorite superhero is Superman?" 

"What's wrong with Superman?!" he defensively asked.

"Nothing it's just, Superman? In a world that contains Iron Man?" 

He lowered his head and laughed. "Don't hate on my opinions! I can't help unoriginalness!" 

I watched as he took his drink. "We'll fight later."

The game went on longer than it probably it should of. We sat under a fort we had made from cushions and sheets. I had decided I shouldn't drink anymore if I intended on going home, but it was too late. Any inhibition I had left had drifted away into the soft, soft carpet of this basement. "Who are you." I asked, giggly.

"I'm your BFF Aaron," We laid on the floor, him facing me, me facing the roof of our blanket home.

"You're like, perfect. You don't even have flaws! It's-" I turned to look at him. "Disgusting." I was smiling so my insult was not very effective.

"Me? Because I'm in musicals? Do you even know how many people are in musicals? I'll never be good where it matters. I'll end up being a lawyer or something." I was reminded then that Aaron was a senior and I was just a Junior.

"Don't say that." I said more serious. "You have so much support, you know? You have like, your parents, and Mrs. Grey and your girlfriend, and me, even." 

"You have to say that."

I started tracing the Yankees symbol on his shirt with my finger. "You're the most amazing-talented person I have ever met." I wasn't looking at him but I could see him.

"I get you." He said, which caught me off guard. 

"What?" I asked, averting my eyes back to his.

"Well, I was talking to that Mark guy, you know the one that's been obsessed with you since, since, forever. I asked him. and he said he loved you because you were a mystery to him. Which is what you were to me, at first. You're so quiet-"

"I just like quiet." I interrupted, worried to where this conversation was going.

"Well, you're quiet, and everyone thinks that's what you are, quiet, but you're really just listening. and I get that but I get you, okay? Does this even make sense?" He had this confused look on his face that was so... Aaron like of him. 

"Who are you?" I repeated, not laughing, but smiling. 

"I'm... alive?" 

"Keep going," I pressured.

"I'm your friend and I care about you. I know you."

I propped my head onto my hand like he did. "No one really knows anyone."

"I know. What's your mom like?" I just shrugged and he accepted that I didn't want to talk about her.

It was quiet for a minute. "What's your dad like?"

'He's great. I mean, if he would back off about this whole college thing that would be great. He means well though. He pushes me to do things I've never wanted to but I mean, It all works out," I closed my eyes and imagined what it had been like if my dad was around. If my dad had forced me to do stuff I didn't want to. 

"You're so lucky," I told him with my eyes still closed. I was so tired.

"I snore." I raised my eyebrow. "That's my flaw." He put his head down. "Goodnight."

I woke up around nine in the morning. I looked around to find I was still in Aaron's basement, him still sleeping. He snored but barely, just heavy breathing. I shook him softly and he jumper awake. He was surprised. "What time is it?" 

"Like nine," His hair was messier than I had ever seen it and it made me very happy. He was very tired and could barely keep his eyes open. "I have to go," I tried to cover him with the blanket again. "I can drive you," 

"No, no, you sleep." I held back my laughter at this groggy side I had never seen before.

I walked home after stealing a swig of mouthwash and a bottle of water. I doubted my mother would care that had stayed out all night but just to be safe. I walked in the door to find my sister Jess, and her husband, Dom sitting on the couch watching the TV. "Look who decided to show up." she said.

"We were wondering which one of you would show up first." he followed.

I ran up and hugged both of them. My head started hurting a lot. "What are you guys doing here?"

"I wanted to wait until mom got home but I guess she can wait." They looked at each other smiles spread upon bother of their faces and I couldn't help but I wonder if I would ever be that happy. "I'm pregnant, Charlotte."


	4. Chapter 4

I congratulated them, showered, and then got food with them. In that order. My life was just really great at that moment. Jess was four months along. She kept reminding me that just because she was adding a baby to the family, she promised I was always welcome to come live with them. She had caught on to the abusing my step father had delivered when my shirt fell up and she saw the bruises. I told him that he had stopped, if I told her the truth I don't even know what he would do.

I was lucky with the life I had. The real problem was Claire. "Charlotte!" She yelled at me as she stomped into the scene shop. I turned, "What's up?" I tried to be casual. 

She grabbed my wrist. "We need to talk." I put down the brush and followed her around the corner. 

"What happened?" 

She sighed loudly. "I don't want you to talk to Aaron anymore." I just looked at her questioningly. "Why?"

She rolled her eyes over dramatically. She fumbled over her words. "He's my boyfriend. I don't have to explain why. This is so stupid." 

"Look, there's nothing between me and Aaron." Only half her face was smeared with green and she just looked very stressed; very, witch-like. 

"I know he doesn't feel anything for you. I can tell you have a thing for him. so stop. You're embarrassing him, he told me himself."

My eyes widened, and I became very angry. "See, you have nothing to worry about. What would your perfect actor boyfriend want with me? I'm just in crew, right?" I slowly turned around and walked back to the black wall I was painting. 

******************************************************************LATER THAT DAY******************************************************************************************

"Need a ride home?" was the text i had recieved from Aaron. I ignored it, hoping he would assume i didn't want one. This was the first day of dress rehearsals, which was also the first day i didn't have a lesson with Aaron. 

Mrs. Grey sat next to me on the couch i was doing my homework on in the green room. "Thank you," She said.

I smiled. "For what?" She gave me the dont-make-me-say-it look. "It was really Aaron behind the whole thing. He was holding back on you."

"He's a talented boy." i bit the bottom of my lip, remembering i was mad at him. "Mmhm." I went back to my work. I haven't had time to do any type of studying before now.

She patted my back. "I owe you," I nodded, trying to get her to leave. 

Aaron came running in not too long afterwards. He was still in his costume. "Why didn't you text me back?" he asked.

I closed my book and stood up to walk away. "No," I mumbled. He walked behind me. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Your girlfriend!" I was quiet, but stern. "That's what's wrong!" I started walking again.

"What did she say to you?" I ignored him. "What did she say?" this was the angriest I had ever heard his voice.

I turned around. We both just stood there, people running around us, trying to get home on this late night. "That I embarrass you."

His face fell. "Charlotte,"

I shook my head. "It's okay, really it's fine." I got my bag and caught the latest bus just in time. I waited for a phone call or something, but it never came. I knew somewhere that he didn't actually care. It was all too good to be true.


	5. Chapter 5

The days before the play was stressful. I had gone back to working with the paint crew. With dress rehearsals going on I couldn't really help them anymore. Most of my work was done so I decided to meet up with friends I had acquired in the costumes crew. When I opened the light wooden door to their dressing/make up room, what I saw was quite the shock. Their crew head and a few other costume members lain on the floor, starring at the fan. Next to them on the ground was a plate with very few brownies on it. It didn't take me very long to put the pieces together. They were high out of their minds. The two other girls frantically tried to wake them out of their trance.

"Don't tell anyone you've seen this!" One of them yelled as I began to walk away. "Wait!" a different voice said.

I turned around. The other girl stood up and ran towards me." We have a few quick changes on stage right that we can't do because we have to get Elphaba ready for her big number." I wanted to say no but I couldn't

"I've never done a quick change before...who is it for?"

"Just a few people from the company they mostly do it on their own. You're just there to help them zipper and stuff. Please, we would owe you so much!"  
I nodded hesitantly. "Fine, only this one time!"

She nodded. "Now get over there, there is a rack with all the costumes. Good luck." I ran to stage right and watched the play while I could. As much of a bitch that Claire was, she was a great actress. Hard to admit, but true. 

The stage went dark and an abundance of actors who I could not see ran to the rack. I quickly zippered and buttoned everything in sight until I heard a whispering voice. "Help!" My eyes had adjusted to the darkness and I ran to the actor. It was Aaron struggling to remove his suspenders on his white pants. I ran over to help to discover they were industrially safety pinned to make them fit when they obviously did not. We both fumbled over the pins, poking ourselves millions of times. Before I knew it, the actors had run on stage.

Aaron frantically removed his pants and I replaced the white ones with his scarecrow costume . When he was done I took a final look at him, making sure everything was all in place. after a nod of approval, he ran on the stage, hitting his cue on time. I smiled at my successful solo quick change. Aaron and Claire had fantastic stage chemistry, and their final kiss was one to remember but all I could remember was him being ashamed of me. Even if he was lying to Claire, it hurt that he would say something like that.

When its was over, the costume girls thanked me for the help. They also told me the girls were caught and were told to not come back. That was the thing I liked about theatre. They kind of made there own rules less strict, but more respected. I agreed but insured it would only be for this play.

* * *

Tech Wednesday! The day before the opening night was always very stressful. I didn't mind because to me, everyone was just trying to do their job very well. In a way, it was the first real show. Mrs. Grey tells her classes they can come and watch for extra credit. 

To avoid Aaron I hid in my dimly lit quick change station throughout the whole show. 

When the final quick change came up, I was helping someone put on their monkey costume when one of the wings knocked my contact out of my eyes. I tried to help but the lighting was already terrible and I was legally blind so I wasn't much of any assistance. When the only one left was Aaron, I knelt to the floor and started to reach around, trying to find it. Aaron kneelt beside me and started looking around with me. "What are we looking for?" he asked.

"My contact," I replied, slightly aggravated. He all of a sudden stopped looking. "You have contacts?" 

"Yep," The situation started to become hopeless. 

"Why didn't you tell me you have contacts?"

"Why does that even matter?"

"I don't know that's something that you do every day so its kind of weird that I don't know about it."

"If you're not going to help why don't you just go." 

"Look I didn't mean what I said." He said, no longer referring to the contacts.

"It really doesn't matter anymore."

"Why are you being like this?" The conversation was carried out through angry whispering.

"Because to be told that someone is ashamed of being associated with you is kind of friendship ending worthy." I really couldn't see at all, and it was a real problem.

"What I said was wrong and I'm sorry! Can't that be it? Can't we be done with this?"

"It's not just that you said it, Aaron. It was your go to. You couldn't just own up and say yeah she's my friend and I enjoy her presence. No, you, you probably put on your most convincing act, making sure no ones opinion was changed of you. That's what you do, you try to please the ones that matter." my voice had trailed off and I just watched as his blurry silhouette searched for the contact. "And I don't matter."

"I found it," he wiped the dust off of it gently and handed it to me. He opened his mouth to say something but before he could the stage manager yelled: "AARON!". He ran onto the stage, he had missed his cue, and forgotten his line. I was definitely to blame for this mishap and I felt terrible. I didn't mean to bring this into one of the things that mattered most to him. The contact was too dirty and I had to put on my glasses on which sucked because I looked like a sixth grader when I had them on. I went in the green room and tried to socialize with my friends from crew, even though I could tell they were ashamed of me being a traitor and all. I bet the glasses threw them off too. 

"So what's going on with the Tveit?" One of them asked.

I bit the inside of my lip and looked down. "It's actually pronounced tuh-veyte." I then told them everything I could. Nothing about how I called him a fake, and nothing about him pretending to "know" me, just the stuff about his bewitched girlfriend. 

"I've always hated her." Frankie said. I could tell by the smirk on her face she had forgiven me, or at least had a greater understanding of the situation. 

"She's the worst," They all said in different variations, some more vulgar than others.

When the run was over, I grabbed my bag and planned on going home and sleeping and not thinking about coming back here. Aaron grabbed my shoulder, forcing me too face him, while I waited outside for my sister's dark blue Toyota to arrive. "Do you wanna talk about this or are we just going to just forget about each other?"

I looked up at him and he looked back. "I don't know if I can ever see you the same."

He looked around. "What can I do? I have the biggest infatuation with you and I just want to-" he fiddled with his hands. "I want to see inside your brain and pick at it and watch it. So can you please just forgive me because you are making me like; crazy, like, I think I bit someone when I was trying to find you." I stayed quiet. "You don't have to forgive me but at least just let me stand really close to you all the time because I have the biggest friendship-crush on you it's ridiculous." I laughed even though I was trying not to cry and I don't know why I was being like this.

"All these emotions," I wiped a tear from under my eye. "It's not really my thing." I tried to laugh.

"I know," He smiled without showing his teeth and it took every vessel in my being to resist touching his face. He hugged me and I squeezed back, and then he squeezed more, tighter than I would of preferred. "And I'm really not ashamed of you." I looked up. "Sorry for being so loud."

"What are even talking about?" I left my arms around his waist for too long. 

"You said you like quiet. So sorry for being, all, you know, not." my sister honked. "I'll see you later Aaron." He walked in the completely direction to the student parking lot.


	6. Chapter 6

Thinking about my whole situation with Aaron, I just felt embarrassed. Especially the next day, when we didn't talk, at all. I just felt like that was it, we would stop talking and I had no choice but to be okay with it, and I was. I mean, we just probably would never be as close as we were. In all honesty we probably shouldn't have been. We got too close, too fast, and it did something to me. I was always screwing things up, so knowing that, I know never to get to close to anything. With Aaron, I didn't care. I wanted things to go fast because the closer we became, the more comfortable I was. Now, I was just confused. I was just ready to let go. Was this what all endings are like? It was easy, and painless. 

It was opening night and everything was going smoothly. I was friends with paint crew again and Aaron and I had still not spoken. It wasn't until I was alone, in my quick change station, allowed to think, did I miss him. I received a phone call from my mother. I hadn't talked to her in like three days. I answered. "Hello?"

"Your sister's in the hospital. Find a new ride."

I started sweating. "What's wrong? Is it something with the baby?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I think her water broke."

It was all too surreal. I wasn't a birthing expert but I knew four months was not a sufficient amount of time for the baby to develop. "Is she okay?" I was on the verge of tears ad for once I wanted her to comfort me, lie, and say: yes, she is fine. Good luck at your play. I knew it had to be serious. My mom wouldn't have been there otherwise.

I heard her talking to someone else. Had she even heard what I said? "I have to go. Goodbye." and she was gone. Getting a ride right now would be impossible so I was stuck sitting through the whole show. I texted Aaron asking for one and he didn't reply. I went out to find someone else to find he was walking in the opposite direction. "Hey, you," I said in a voice.

"Hey," he was eating an apple, in costume may I add.

"Do you think you could give me a ride?" He nodded as he took another bite. I kept checking my phone for any notification on the whole situation.

"Something wrong?" I shook my head and started walking past him, not sure where I was going. He rested his hand on my shoulder, making me turn around. "I know you're not okay." Did I know Aaron? He knew me, or so he claimed, so why did I feel like he was so distant?

"It's nothing-it's just-my sister's in-" It was all much harder to say out loud. I actually did start to cry but I barely noticed. Aaron put his arm around me and together we walked into a nearby costume closet. It was filled with dresses with ruffles and sparkles. I wasn't sobbing or anything, I was just crying. It was the first time had really cried in a long time. 

"Hey, look at me." he put both his hands on my shoulders and it made me cry even more to know he was there, staring at me, wanting me to be happy. 

I tried my hardest to laugh. "Aaron you don't have to do this. I'm fine really." He wrapped his arms around me and just hugged me. He was a hugger for sure. I buried my head in his neck and he laid his head on mine. I felt his thumb rub my braid. "It's okay." he said, words of comfort that didn't really compare to the comfort that came from the scent of his skin. The tears had already stopped and I was the one to pull away first. I looked up at him, and to no surprise, he was smiling. Mouth closed, genuine. I instinctively put my hand to his cheek and touched his soft skin with my thumb. It's like I wasn't even there. He didn't pull away, he didn't even react. He just closed his eyes and took a step closer to me. I started to stand on my toes and went in to kiss him, he kissed back when I was 3/4 of the way there. His hands grabbed my hips lightly. The kiss felt like it had taken a lifetime but it really couldn't of taken more than 10 seconds. When I pulled away, he just looked at me with a look of shame on his face. I had forgot he had a girlfriend. 

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to back away but stumbling over boxes of hats, I think. "I forgot." He was still standing there, not saying anything. I needed to fill the silence because it was killing me. "I forgot about Claire, I forgot about everything." I laughed to myself. "All I could even remember was that you kind of smell like lemons and these dresses look really uncomfortable, and-" 

"Charlotte," he said quietly.

"What?" and he left the room. Maybe it was because the play was starting. I didn't know, but I knew I had feelings. Real feelings. It felt nothing like any scenario I had ever made up in my head with celebrities I would never meet. I had a taste of what we could be and I wanted it. I wanted it in the form of a slice of cake. I wanted it in an overflowing cup of orange juice. I wanted Aaron, all of him, every last bit.


	7. Chapter 7

I was asleep the first time. He walked into my room when the sun was just beginning to rise, leaving my room a dark shade of blue. I was 13, it was three years ago. I heard him walking closer to my bed but instinct told me to keep my eyes shut. He smelled like alcohol and cigarettes, two of my mothers favorite things. His body has heavy on top of my own. "It will be our secret."

I jumped awake when my phone rang. It was around four in the morning. I had texted Dom earlier to keep me posted on my sister. "We lost the baby" it read. My hands still shook from the dream. Not dream, memory. I felt my stomach start to churn and I ran to the bathroom and threw up. When I stood up I looked in the mirror. My long dark hair was stuck to my face, my eyes red and large. I felt disgusting and too disturbed to go to bed so I decided to take a shower. 

I walked out to find Jim, my step father, stumbling down the hall to his bedroom. I tried to close the door before he could see me but it was too late. "Hey!" My mom must of still been at the hospital so he did not try to be quiet. "What're you doing up so late?" he stood close to me. His clothes were damp with sweat. 

I looked at the ground and tried to focus on my darkly painted toe nails. "Just couldn't sleep." I tried to disguise the worry behind my voice. 

"I could come in there, maybe help you." 

His head was in the crook on my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip. To cry was to make myself a vulnerable target, it was what he wanted. "No."

He backed his head away. "No?" he hissed. He slapped me, leaving me blind. When his silhouette was out of sight, I ran to my room and locked the door. I was panting heavily. I dialed my sisters number but didn't press call. Remembering what had happened to her only made me more sick. I put on clothes and paced around my room. Too nervous to sit still. I heard a banging on the door. "Let me in!" he yelled.

I wanted to leave but could not do so without braking the window. He had gotten the window bolted shut after the first time I had tried to run away. I just sat in the corner of my room. I knew he had a key, it was only a matter of time.

He threw the door open. I had stood up, still leaving me a foot shorter than him. He tried to stick his dirty tongue down my throat but I pushed him off. He slapped me again, much harder than before. "Don't fight it, no one is home to save you now. I know how you think." He punched me in my stomach and I fell to the ground. I got on top of me and managed to pin me down. I stopped squirming. He had won and this is how it would be until I could leave forever and never come back. "I know you told your sister about me. I know you've told people." It wasn't true but I did not protest. "You want people to feel bad for you. You don't deserve it you little piece of shit!" I cried without making any noise. I hated this. I just couldn't do this anymore.

"Worthless," he said as he left the room. Leaving me lying there on the floor, tears dried on my cheeks. I felt so alone. I pulled my pants up and limped to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet to find three orange bottles. They where my mothers. She had bad headaches and was constantly getting refills on her meds. I sat on the floor, sobbing. I picked up my phone and started to call Aaron, my feeling for him were to strong to not say goodbye. Even so, I hung up after the first ring. Tomorrow was the last night of the show. I didn't want him to worry about me. Plus, we hadn't even talked since the kiss. I dropped the phone next to me and poured out one of the bottles in my hand. The pills were shiny. I popped two in my mouth at once but the were incredibly hard to swallow. My phone started to ring. It was Aaron. I picked it up.

"Hello?" he said. I put my hand over my mouth. Hearing his voice brought me to the realization of what I was doing. "Charlotte?"

"Hey," I said. I tried to be cheerful but my voice cracked.

"Are you okay?" he sounded relieved. "Why are you awake?"

My whole body was trembling holding back the tears hurt. "I'm fine I was just...making sure you were okay. I-uh-had a bad dream. I'm okay, really." I wasn't exactly crying but my voice was quivering. 

"Charlotte I can come over if you need me to." Part of me needed him here but the other would be mortified for him to see me this way. Who knew what my step father would do.

"No," I closed my eyes and tried to gather myself. "I just had a bad dream."

He was quiet for a moment but I heard movement on the line. "I'm coming over you're freaking me out."

"Aaron no." He had already hung up. Probably already in his car. I crept through my ever so dark house and sat on my front porch. The sun was officially up and I was exhausted. I didn't even remember falling asleep in the rocking chair. The first thing I heard when I woke up was a door slamming shut. "Oh my god," He ran up the few steps and knelt at my side. I saw him and smiled before immediately braking out into sobs. He pulled my head into his chest. His white t-shirt became my own personal tissue. "What happened?" he asked. 

"Aaron," I said between sobs. "I almost killed myself."


	8. Chapter 8

"When I was four my cat died. I was the one who found it, that was pretty traumatizing. Then a few years later, I was seven, my dad left. He came in my room in the middle of the night and kissed me on the forehead and said goodbye. I asked him where he was going, if I i could go with him. He told me he was going out into outerspace and said he didn't want me getting lost. His name was Michael, I think. When i was ten, my mom married Jim and we moved in with him. My sister had already left and married Dom. He hit me the first time because I felt the light on in the kitchen. He didn't actually start, you know, touching me, i guess, until I was thirteen. He always told me how much he hated my mother and that he would leave her if it weren't for me. I told her everything that had happened but she just said I was jealous of her and that I made it all up. Sometime last year my sister found a bruise on my stomach and found out but I told her it was just a one time thing." I felt like i was going to throw up again and i grabbed my stomach. "He always threatens to kick us out if i ever told anyone."

"A house is no reason to live like that." We sat across from eachother on his bed. The sun was almost fully risen.

"It's not just a house. It's insurance, it's food, it's money. My mother doesn't even work." He pulled his hand through his hair. I tried to smile. "I've made it up to this point. What's two more years?"

He all of a sudden looked mad at me. "Charlotte, you almost killed yourself." emphasis on the "kill".

I bit the inside of my lip. "But I didn't." I struggled to swallow. "Doesn't that count for anything?"

"No." He slightly shook his head. "No, it's not. I can't see you just live like this." The eyes contact had been broken. It was as if he was talking to himself. "I have to do something about this."

I really did laugh at this. "Are you just going to turn into some superhero and rescue me from my dungeon? I didn't ask for you to come tonight."

"Do you ever let anyone care for you? I mean, do you even remember what i said to you the other night?" I stayed silent. "I said I cared for you, that i was your friend-"

"Fix me then!" my voice had started to rise. "Is that what you want? Rescuse me! Report Jim!" I was pushing Aaron, fighting, wishing he would just push back. "Tell my mother how much of a bitch she's been! Tell my sister she hasn't been there!" He grabbed my wrists but i still fought. "Take me away from that awful place!" The tears were falling but it did not show in my voice. 

"Okay!" he yelled to shut me up. "Okay," his voice became softer when he realized I had snapped out of that terrible trans.

We were much closer than before. He still held onto my wrists and my fists were still clenched. "I'm fucked up. Taking me out of that house, or patching me up with a band aid, is not going to fix that."

He let go and moved my hair out of my face as I sat back on my heels. "Good,"

"Good?"

"Good." he said as he exhaled a chuckle. He put my hands in his own. "I'm not going to try and relate to you because honestly, i have no idea what you're going through." He grinned with his mouth closed. "On the other hand, I want you to know, I will always be here to talk to about your dead cat." I actually laughed, for real. "I will never hurt you." 

I brought my face closer to kiss, longing for him. "Don't say that." he kissed me, softly, but his lips lingered for what felt like ages. 

"It's true." He almost kissed me again but a thought interupted his actions. "I broke up with Claire." 

i wanted to kiss him again but i knew that meant commitment. "Aaron, i've never had a real boyfriend before." My arms were wrapped around his neck and pulling on his hair and i was practically sitting on his lap. 

"That's okay." He kissed me again.

"But Doesn't it scare you that one day everything I do is going to start annoying you and i will start despising all your friends and we will say hurtful things to each other and eventually completely break each others hearts." 

He cradled my face with his hands. "I will never hurt you." We spent the night kissing and sleeping and it was the most beautiful thing.


	9. Chapter 9

"I just don't understand why you would say it if it wasn't true!"

"I meant it more along the lines of, I plan to break up with her in the near future!"

I shook my head. "Look, I'm not mad." I sat next to him on his bed. "I just don't think I can do this until it's over between you two."

"I just didn't want to ruin her last musical, you know?"

I nodded. "Take your time." He turned to me. I decided to kiss him one last time, for now at least. It started off soft but before I knew it, it was all out of my control. My hands that were once gently placed on his shoulders now wrapped around his neck, bringing me as close to him as I could. It wasn't until his shirt was off that I pulled away. "Okay, I need to go." I stood up, still in a daze. I fumbled around the room looking for my shoes.

"I'll see you later." He said as I closed the door. I didn't run into his parents but I did hear them. It was the first walk of shame I had ever took part in and I didn't really have anything to be ashamed of.

My mom's car was in the driveway when I arrived back home. I remembered what happened to my sister and my stomach dropped. My mother was smoking a cigarette in the front room when I walked in. "Hey," I said in a high voice.

She exhaled to the side. "Where were you last night?"

"Just at a friends. I didn't think you would mind."

"What friend?"

I shrugged. "Frankie, I don't think you know her."

She breathed loudly through her nose. "Your sister had a miscarriage last night."

My jaw clenched. It was so like her to be so nonchalant about this. "I know. Dom told me." Without saying another word, she stood up and walked out of the room. I followed her into the house. My stepfather had already left for work so the only sound was coming from the TV my mother was watching. I sat on the couch, two cushions away from her. "Mom Jim touches me." I said, not turning my head from the TV. I felt her looking at me.

"I thought we already talked about this. Jim is good to you, and you and I both know it." 

"I didn't know losing your virginity at 14 to a 50 year old man was a "good" thing. I'll have to look up the definition of good in the dictionary later." 

"Charlotte! That's enough!"

"How are you not going to believe me? I'm your daughter."

She turned back to the TV. Turns out the commercials were over. "You always try to ruin everything that's mine." Her voice was hauntingly monotonous.

"Oh yeah you have so much going for you here. A great house, a wondrous TV, oh and those are some really nice slippers you have." 

"I really am not in the mood for this right now." 

"Alright." I stood up. "I can't wait until I'm 18 and can leave and never come back." She didn't acknowledge me. I let out a strange laugh/grunt before walking away.

*Later that night*

I got a ride from Mark Way, he was kind of my last resort. "You going to the party tonight?" 

"I'm not sure, I never do." This had turned out to be the longest car ride of my life.

"Aaron will be there."

"So?" I might of been a little too defensive.

"It's kind of known that you two have a thing." He smiled to himself. "Even Claire knows."

"We're just friends, trust me." 

"You know, he came up to me a few weeks ago. Asked me about you."

"What did you tell him?" I tried my best to conceal a smirk.

"Just how you are the most mystical girl in the whole world. I told him how mysterious you were and how she will be the nicest person you have ever met while simultaneously breaking your heart into a million pieces. I told him I loved you."

I sighed. "Mark, you're a really sweet guy. I just can't do this. Not now, or with you, and I'm sorry. Just, don't, don't say you love me. I've never been in love but I know it takes a lot more than mystical-ness." He was silent. "I'm just trying to warn you, don't throw that word around, and put that heart of yours back in your chest." I playfully punched his arm and a small smile replaced the slight depression. "You're a really great guy."

"Just not great enough for you." He said as he pulled into a spot and put the car in park.

I almost forgot why I didn't like him. "If that's what you want to take from that conversation." When we got out of the car I walked two steps ahead of him until we finally parted ways. 

Next to the stage Aaron was talking to Claire. By the look on her face, I could tell he was not talking about breaking up. I rolled my eyes. I went to the scene shop and did the annual prayer circle. We thanked the theater gods for this wonderful show and begged for one final good night. It was also where they announced the location of the party which would have festivities that would go against the morals of any god. This time, it was to take place at Claire's house. I knew I would definitely not be attending.

Claire approached me the circle was over. "Hi," she said like a civil human being.

"Hey," I actually felt guilty.

She was playing with her hands. "I want you to come to the party tonight. I know I've been pretty ridiculous lately and I know you mean a lot to Aaron so I just figured, maybe we could be friends." She smiled. 

"That's really nice of you. Good luck tonight."

"You too." She walked away, ready to perform. I felt the strongest pang of guilt. It was then I decided I could not live with myself if Aaron broke up with her for me.


	10. Chapter 10

The show went smoothly. Everyone seemed to be in this sort of haze due to the fact that it was a full house, or maybe it was that they were all just super tired. When the show ended, the orchestra played "The Wicked Witch Is Dead" as the audience exited the auditorium. Aaron ran off the stage and danced with my arm in his. "It's over!" everyone cheered. 

"I'm giving you a ride to the party." He declared.

"Sounds good Fiyero." Everyone had cleared out to go change so they could get to the party. Aaron stepped closer to me. His hips were pressed against my lower stomach. 

"I can't wait to be with you." He whispered. 

"Go get dressed." I whispered in return. He laughed and ran into the boys dressing room. Inner turmoil practically ran through my veins. How could I even tell him all I wanted to do was be friends with him when it was such a total lie?

"Where's Claire?" I asked in the car. 

"She left right away so she could set up her house." 

"This is nowhere near the address on the invitation." I said looking at him, confused.

He smiled while keeping his eyes on the road. "I thought we would make a stop."

I smirked while trying to ignore the terrible feeling in my stomach. I couldn't help if this would just be my life, the mistress. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

I must of had the dumbest smile on my face. "So mysterious." He finally looked over at me and I suddenly was reassured that everything was going to be okay. "I like it." 

We pulled into an empty parking lot. It was a somewhat empty field with a few trees here and there. "What's next Romeo?" I asked as we got out of the car.

He opened the trunk. "We are having a picnic." He held a grocery bag in one hand in one hand, my hand in the other. 

I saw a sign signifying it was golf course. He laid out a towel under a tree on the outskirts of the course. "Is this place even open?" I asked, too giggly to even care.

He poured out his grocery bag. "I'm not sure." He said jokingly. The bags contents included a carton of chocolate milk, goldfish, and a bag of baby carrots.

"This is a pretty decent spread you set out here. Perfect for a rabbit, or a cat."

"There wasn't much food left in my house. And cat's don't even like milk, so jokes on you."

I took his hand and played with his fingers. "I love it." I leaned in and kissed him. "Little known fact, goldfish are actually a great source of protein." I popped one of them in my mouth.

"I'm glad you think so." His eyes were even blue in the dark night. 

"So why a golf course?"

"My dad takes me here sometimes." he turned his head to look at the empty field filled with freshly cut grass. "It's probably one of my favorite places. It's even better in the really early morning, before the sun is completely up. It's really quiet," He turned back towards me. "Which I thought you would like. It's really beautiful."

The smile that came after that was more sympathetic than intended. "Aaron I need to tell you something."

"What?"

His words were soft, and gentle and it almost hurt to talk about the whole situation. "Claire came up to me earlier and kind of declared peace between us. She said something about her being friends with anyone who's friends with you. It just made me wonder if we are doing the right thing here. Like, between me and you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, she obviously cares about you. I don't know what I would do if some girl came in and took you away from me. It would ruin me."

"Charlotte, you're not just some girl. I wouldn't even want to be with Claire knowing that I could of been with you."

"It has nothing to do with how I feel about you,"

"All these things I feel for you, they can't just be left behind."

"I like you a lot." I blurted out. I noticed he had sort of put a metaphorical distance between us so I decided to physically scoot a lot closer to him.

"I planned on breaking up with Claire before, us, happened."

"People are going to hate you, a lot. She might unleash her armies on you. She cares about you still."

"No," he laughed. "She doesn't. A few days ago, she got drunk and called my mom. You know what she told her? That she hated me and that she was going to make out with my best friend. That was a real thing she said to my mother."

I sighed. "I just feel terrible." He laid his head in my lap. 

"Don't. By the time we get there, she will be under the influence and I will tell her that it' s over and that will be it. Okay?"

"Okay." A grin crept across his face. "Let's play a game." I suggested.

He sat up. "What kind of game?"

"We are going to see who can jug the most chocolate milk."

"Alright." He grabbed the carton and handed it to me. "Ladies first." I graciously accepted it and brought the brown liquid to my lips. I drank for as long as I could until it started to repulse me (Which wasn't very long considering I do not like milk).

"How long was that?" I asked.

"I wasn't counting." He laughed as I tried my best to fight him. "OH I don't think so!" He tickled my waist until he had pinned me down on the floor. 

I could tell by the look on his stupid, perfect, face that he did not plan on leaving this baseball field. Me, being the person I am, I let out a milk burb. I just smiled at the silly look on his face. "I guess that's one perk of falling for your best friend." I froze in shock. He had used the term "Falling" and it was a term that I grew very fond of instantly. I wasn't in love but I was definitely falling, hard, with absolutely no intention of getting up.

"You're falling for me, huh?"

He laughed, I also noticed he had contracted a case of the hiccups. He had my favorite hiccups, I decided. "I mean, I guess." he said sarcastically.

"I'm falling for you to." I waddled over to him on my knees and straddled his lap. "It's like those dreams where you think your falling and you wake up really fast. Except with you, I'm not waking up. Like at the bottom of the abyss there is a ball pit." He just stared at me. "You're the ball pit."

"What colors am I?" 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. "Dumb colors, like brown and periwinkle, or something." I kissed his exposed teeth before jumping off of him. "We should go to this party." He left the food and followed me to the car.


	11. Chapter 11

Before we even walked into the house we could hear the faint sound of the music. Before he could open the door I turned to him. "You can't do it. Not tonight." He raised his eyebrow at me. "This is her last musical at this school, her last party, your last party. Let's just enjoy tonight." I sighed. "Separately."

He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Maybe not too separate." 

I smirked. "You're the worst."

"What?" he laughed. I pushed him away and walked through the door. Everyone was drinking and mingling. It wasn't long before someone handed me a blue plastic cup. Aaron and I went to our different groups of friends as usual. Frankie was the first one to approach me, she was extremely under the influence. "Hey!" She ran up and hugged me.

"How you doin' tiger?" I practically lifted her off me, having to support her with my shoulders. 

"You know," She slurred too close to my face. "Everyone's been talking about you and Aaron." She took my cup and started drinking from it.

"What have they been saying?" I brought her over to the couch and we sat down. 

She shrugged. "I just heard that Claire wants to fight you." She let out a loud belch. "She thinks you're a huge slut." She laughed at the word, as a 12 year old might. 

"Why would she say that?" She wasn't of much use. She was already falling asleep on my shoulder.

"Someone saw you making out with Aaron back stage after the show." The girl who played Nessa was standing over the couch. She spoke in the most condescending tone.

I stood up and laid Frankie down on her side. "When?"

"Today, I think." She eyed me from head to toe. "I suggest you stay away from Claire. And Aaron, for that matter." I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for the advice." I said sarcastically. I would of left right then if Frankie didn't say "I feel sick." I quickly lifted her up and brought her to the bathroom. I stood on my knees next to her, holding back her dark curls. She kept telling me how great of a friend I was in between vomits.

"How long?" I turned around to find Claire standing in the door way.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Don't lie to me. How long have you been sneaking around with my boyfriend?"

I turned back to Frankie who was now sleeping on the bathroom floor. "Your "boyfriend" has a name you know, Aaron I believe it is." I stood to face her. "And I have no idea what you are talking about." She was much taller than me.

"Bull shit. You two were making out on stage right!"

"Prove it!"

I could tell she was flustered and her yelling had gathered a crowd. "I think it would be best if you leave."

I saw Aaron running up behind her. "Sounds great." I figured I could take Frankie's keys and drive to my house. I only had a permit, but I was only a few blocks away.

"What's going on here?" Aaron asked, trying to lighten the mood. 

Claire turned towards him. "Did you kiss her?" This was the first time I had ever heard any tone of insecurity in her voice. It was kind of nice. 

He ran his hand through his hair and looked around the room. He looked at me, and I just slightly nodded, not completely sure what I was agreeing to. "Can we talk? In private?" He asked her. She nodded and walked up the stairs and into a bedroom. 

I found Frankie's keys and walked with her outside. I was more than ready to leave. I brought her home to find her angry mother waiting for her. I had to walk home but I really wasn't looking forward to being there. When I did arrive, I snuck quietly to my room and called Aaron. 

"Hello?" He said.

"Hey, how'd it go?"

"She was upset. It was for the best."

"I'm sorry you had to do that."

"Don't be. What are you up to?"

"Just laying down. Dreading next weekend."

"What's next weekend?"

"I have a wedding to go to. It wouldn't be that bad if I knew anyone in my family."

"What do you mean?"

"There's just so many people and I know barely any of them."

"Let me come with you."

"Oh no!" 

"What's wrong?" His voice was very concerned.

"My fish died."

He laughed. "Let's go to the wedding together!"

"I don't know. My family is crazy. Plus, it's super far."

"I'll drive. It can be a road trip of sorts."

"Fine. But you can't leave me when my family creeps you out."

"I pinky promise."

"Good." We spent the night talking about how it would be much nicer to live on Saturn together than anywhere else.

*****One Week Later******

I wore a strapless floral sun dress that ended just above my knees with my hair in a side braid. It didn't take much to convince my mother to let Aaron drive me. I almost wanted her to tell me that it was unacceptable and that we would arrive as a family but no, she didn't care, as always. 

Aaron arrived and came to the door to pick me up. My step dad was the one to answer the door. I saw Aaron's jaw clench when he saw the man. "Nice to meet you." Jim said. Aaron nodded and walked towards me, putting his arm around my waist defensively. "You look amazing." He whispered into my hair.

"So you're taking my girl to the wedding." Jim said with his hands on his waist.

Aaron nodded. "That's the plan." I grabbed his hand that was on my waist and squeezed it. "I hope that's okay." He looked at my mother for approval but she wasn't paying attention. 

"It's fine with me. You seem like a nice man." Jim reached out to shake Aaron's hand and he used the hand that was on my waist to shake back. 

Jim gave Aaron the directions and we were off. I loved having the radio on when I would drive with him because sometimes when we weren't talking, he would harmonize with the songs under his breath. Today, I was feeling somewhat needy. I wrapped my arms around the arm he had rested on the gear shift. "Babe I don't feel good." I was late on my period so I assumed it was just delayed cramps. 

"Do you want me to get you something?"

I shook my head and stuck my nose into his shirt. "No it's probably just cramps." My voice was muffled from the fabric. I just couldn't get comfortable. 

"How has Jim been?" His voice was odd, but gentle.

I adjusted my body and faced forward. "I haven't talked to him."

"Let's run away." He suggested.

I closed my eyes. "Where should we go?"

"We could go anywhere." He was serious. "We could leave New York. We can go to Chicago, and you could write." I had mentioned when we first met how moving to Illinois to write had always been a dream of mine. "I could take us to Ohio, or anywhere."

"Is that why you wanted to come to this wedding? So you could kidnap me and take me away?" I only held onto his arm tighter. 

"Not at first. Then I saw Jim, and I looked at him, and I realized that I have never hated anyone more in my whole life. Then I thought, why should I have the person I value the most be under that persons supervision."

I sat up abruptly and grabbed my stomach. "Pull over."

"What's wrong?" He asked worriedly.

"Pull over!" He obeyed my request. I jumped out of the car and threw up on the side of the road. It wasn't much considering I didn't eat breakfast, just bile mostly. Aaron ran over and rubbed my back as I stood hunched over trying to gather myself. "Go away, I don't want you to see me all gross."

"I like your gross." I turned my head and scowled at him. "It get's me going." He teased.

"I hate you sometimes." I said as I stepped into his warm embrace.

"We could go home. We could watch movies in my basement." 

"As fantastic as that sounds, I should probably make an appearance at this wedding."

"Okay. So we will make an appearance at the reception and go hide out in a hotel room." 

I looked up and smiled. "Sounds lovely." He kissed my forehead before climbing back in the car. I snuggled his arm and tried to sleep my way through the car ride. This got me a front row seat to him singing along to anything that came on the radio. The reception was in a Holiday Inn banquet hall. We had gotten mildly lost so it was already dark when we arrived. "Thanks for being wonderful." I said as we walked hand in hand to the front door. "Anything for you." 

Dessert was being served when we arrived. We found two empty seats at a table filled with people I didn't know and sat down. An older woman at the table recognized me. "Charlotte is that you?" She said excitedly. I nodded and stood up so she could hug me. "I haven't seen you since you were in diapers!" She smelled of strong cologne which only made me more sick. "It's me Aunt Sherry!" I pretended that I recognized her. "Who is this that you are with?"

"This is Aaron," he stood to shake the woman's hand. "He's my date for the evening." I smiled at his politeness as he greeted the whole table.

"Is he your boyfriend?" A different women said. Now, to understand what I said next, I must make it clear that she did not ask this question politely, she said it in the most arrogant tone. 

"No, actually." I said as I sat down. "Aaron here is incoherently gay." I saw him choke on his water in the corner of my eye. The woman scowled at the two of us. I grabbed his hand under the table. I quietly explained that we were going to get asked this question a lot so we might as well have some fun with it.

After we ate our dessert, we decided to go visit my sister at a nearby table. It was the first time I had seen her since the incident. I hugged her tight. Another woman I did not recognize came up and hugged me. "Baby Charlotte!" Aaron came over and greeted the lady. "Who is this young man you have with you?"

"We met in prison." He said. "Well, I was in prison. Charlie here was my pen pal." He grabbed my hand and smiled at me. "We've been lovers ever since." The woman awkwardly sat back down. My sister, Dom, Aaron, and I walked together to watch the first dance. "He's not really an ex con, right?" Jess asked.

"Oh no, this is Aaron. He's in theatre with me." He shook both their hands. "He's an actor." Dom and him immediately started talking about golf. When the DJ announced it was an open floor, I took my sisters hand and brought her to dance.

"How are you doing?" I asked.

She smiled weakly. "I'm holding up." She looked over where Aaron and Dom were talking. "Dom's been really great."

"I just wish there was something I could do." I loved my sister more than anything in this world.

"You've done enough by just being you." We hugged tightly and swayed to the music. "So tell me about Aaron. Is he your boyfriend?" She teased.

"He's really amazing. I've never met anyone like him."

"Is he in your grade?"

"No, he's a year older."

"What are you going to do when he graduates?"

"We have all year." She was silent. "I don't want to talk about it." When the song was over we walked back over to our males. I wanted to dance with Aaron but I spotted my mother and Jim on the dance floor and wanted to avoid them. We walked around, being greeted by almost everyone in our path. He was introduced as an aging backwards man, a prince from a foreign land, and even someone I met in the hotel lobby.

I spotted my grandma who was sitting alone at a table watching everyone dance. She was 93 and only really spoke gibberish. "Hi Nana!" I grabbed Aaron's hand and ran over to hug her. She smelled like grapes and it was very nostalgic. "Nana this is Aaron." 

"It's a pleasure to meet you." She reached out and hugged him as he said the words.

"Hello Aaron." She said with a smile on her face. 

"He is the most amazing person I have ever met. I like him very much." She hugged me again. 

"He is very handsome." She whispered in my ear. 

I looked up at him. His hair was tousled slightly and the top two buttons on his light green shirt where undone. "I think so too." 

"Everyone grab that special someone and join me on the dance floor." The DJ announced. I kissed my Grandma on the cheek and bid her a farewell. Aaron took my hand and led me to the floor. We were in the position of a ballroom dancer but much more compact. I stood on my toes so my head could lye on his shoulder. The song was slow, but the words were very sad. I wonder if the DJ knew that.

"I think we should go back to the room soon." I suggested.

"You think so?" He spoke into my neck, sending chills throughout my body. "Hey Char?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I would be moving too fast if I told you I loved you?" 

I lifted my head. "You're not getting lost in the allure of the wedding scene are you?" 

"I'm not sure." He leaned down and kissed me. 

"I love you too." And I did. 

We walked to the front desk to check into a room. It was pretty crowded so they didn't really look into the detail of Aaron's ID to find that it was fake. I helped pay with for the room with the very little amount of money I had. I really didn't feel that sick anymore, just comfortable. Before we made it to the room, I remembered something. "I didn't bring pajamas."

"I might have something in my car." I followed him out to the car to find that all he had was a rolling stones t-shirt. I grabbed it and we raced up to the room. I jumped and laid on the bed and Aaron laid next to me. We laid on our sides to face each other. "I've never been in love before."

"Neither have I. Not like this. I'm unconditionally in love with you." I rolled on top of him and kissed him, deeply, deeper than I had ever before. We had only been dating for a week but we had been together so much longer. He rolled us over so he was on top of me. He kissed my neck as my fingers fumbled to unbutton his shirt. He pulled my dress over my head. I noticed how my black bra did not match my purple underwear. He took off his pants to reveal his blue plaid boxers. I sat in his lap with my legs wrapped around his waist. I grabbed his face. "Aaron, if we are going to do this, I need to know that you have been real with me. Is there anything that I should know?" I starred into his endless blue eyes. "I stepped on a frog once." I pulled his face down, kissing him once again. It was the first time that someone did everything in their power to bring pleasure to me. It was also the first time I wanted to return the favor. 

When it was over, we hid under the sheets. "What are we going to do when you go to college?" I played his hands, avoiding his gaze.

"We will deal with that when we have to." He rested his hand on my cheek and brought his lips to mine. Without pulling away, he spoke softly. "Don't think about it."

I pushed away the hair that had rested in front of his eyes. "I don't like thinking about it." I curled in closer to him. and fell asleep. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling sick again. I quietly got out of bed and went to throw up in the bathroom. Luckily, Aaron was a deep sleeper and did not get up. I decided I would go down to the gift shop to see if they had some ibuprofen. I put on my dress and walked to the convenience store. When I was looking on the shelf, I saw a pregnancy test. Since I was late, I decided that I might as well give it a shot. I bought the test and went back to the room.

When I arrived back, Aaron sat on the bed with a sheet covering himself. He rubbed his eyes and spoke with a groggy voice. "Come back to bed."

"One second." I ran into the bathroom and followed the instructions on the box. When I was done I put the stick on the sink, washed my hands and crawled back into the fluffy white bed. 

Although I was worried for the results of the test, I tried not to let it show. I still had ten minutes before I would know. "Good morning beautiful." he said as he pulled me closer to him. "How did you sleep?"

"Great, and yourself."

"It was glorious." I saw his eyes starting to close again.

"Sleepy Aaron is my favorite Aaron." I declared. He adjust himself so his head was lying on my chest. "Do you think your family really thinks I'm an ex con?" he asked.

"I really hope so." He got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. I didn't think anything of it until he walked out holding my pee stick. "Char, care to explain?" I saw the small pink plus sign and my heart sunk to stomach. "How could it even know so fast? I mean this was only the first time! We used protection!" I walked over to him, tears fighting to be exposed. I rested my hands on his bare chest. "But I will be there for you. No matter what you want to do"

"It's not your baby. It's Jim's" Saying it out loud made me sob uncontrollably. I collapsed into Aaron's arms. 

"Oh babe." I sat in his lap on the reclining chair in our room. He softly moved my hair out of my face and rested his lips on my forehead. "I hate that you have to be brought into all my shit. I wish everything would just be about you and me, and nothing else." my voice shook.

"Don't say that. I will do anything you want me to, to make this better for you. You want to keep the baby, I'm there. You want to put the baby up for adoption, I'll find a couple. If you want to-"

I couldn't let him finish. "I can't have this baby." Was all I said.

"I will take you sometime this week." I ran my hand up and down his arm until we both fell asleep again.


	12. Chapter 12

The protester lined up at the doors. Aaron wrapped his arms around my shoulders, trying to shield me from the madness. Once the door was open, I stood in shock. Aaron guided me to the check in desk. They handed him a clipboard and we walked back to the waiting room. He asked me the questions and wrote them for me. When my name was called I told Aaron to stay but he followed anyway. I turned in my paperwork and was brought to a hospital room. Everyone here was very friendly. They brought me to an ultrasound room. When the nurse asked me how I was doing, I answered honestly and told them I was very nervous. I didn't look at the screen when they took the actual ultrasound. Aaron just grabbed my hand and said "Everything is going to be okay." I nodded, trying to believe his words. They told me I was only five and a half weeks pregnant. After that the nurse weighed me and brought me to an office for my consultant.

"Good morning Miss Hyde." A happy dark man in a lab coat came in and shook my hand and Aaron's as well. I could tell he was going to ask me more question. "I am just going to ask you a few questions before we get started." He looked down at his clipboard and I squeezed Aaron's hand, he squeezed back reassuringly. "Have you been diagnosed with any medical conditions in the past?" "No." "Any mental conditions?" "No." "Now do you know who the father is?" I opened my mouth but no words came.

"That would be me sir." Aaron said. It was the only question I lied about.

"That is really great to see. Not many fathers walking through here." Aaron just smiled at the man and rubbed my back. After that, I was given a smock to change into and was sedated. The last thing I remember was Aaron tucking a piece of hair that had fell out of my bun behind me ear.

I woke up in the recovery room feeling drained. It was like waking up from a bad dream to find the dream was still taking place. A nurse walked in not too long after I woke up. "How are you feeling?" She asked.

I thought about it for a second. "Empty."

She smiled softly and put her hand on my shoulder. "That's very normal. You will be feeling like yourself in no time." She helped me change back into my clothes and brought Aaron into the room. We left from a different door than we entered. There were no protesters outside this one but I could still hear them on the other side. "It's a child, not an option!" "What if Jesus were aborted!" I couldn't help but think, maybe they were protesting at the wrong door. If I was ever going to be against abortion, it was right now. Back at his house, I greeted his parents as joyfully as I could. Mrs. Tveit said I looked sick and offered to make me soup. I politely declined her offer and followed Aaron to his basement. When Mrs. Tveit was home, we didn't go to his bedroom. 

He brought me over to his couch and I laid on top of him, my head laying on the top of his chest. I had started to regret my decision. It didn't even make sense; I was so sure before. "I am a terrible human." I declared

"You did the right thing. You were raped, Char."

His fingers ran lightly up and down my back. "I can't go back to my house." 

"That's okay. You can stay here. I'll talk to my parents, explain to them the situation."

"They would hate me. Please, don't" 

"Stay for dinner then. I'll take you home later." I agreed to this, leaving him satisfied.

I awoke from a nap when shook me gently, telling me dinner was ready. I stood up as he helped me up the stairs. Even though I felt too sick to eat anything, I sat at the table and let Mrs. Tveit make me a plate. "So Charlotte, you're a junior, right?" Aaron's brother asked.

"I am. What grade are you in again?"

Before he could reply Mr. Tveit intervened. "So what did you two do today?"

"We just hung out around town." I said nervously.

"Charlottes parent's are out of town so I didn't want her to be left alone."

"That was sweet of you." Mrs. Tveit said.

"I'm a lucky gal." He grabbed my hand under the table. 

"Maybe you could stay with us tonight. It's already so dark, I wouldn't want you to be left alone." She suggested.

I did that thing where you pretend to deny their offer but it's not like they can take it back so I end up agreeing in the end. It was kind awkward until Mr. Tveit broke the silence. "Aaron said you want to write. What kind of writing?"

"I love poetry. I would love to write a novel of sorts"

"Where do you want to go for school?"

"Northwestern, in Illinois, I'm pretty sure it's near Chicago."

"Why Illinois?" 

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "My Father was from there. He always used to talk about the city as if it were a whole different world. I remember when I was youmger, he would talk about the big silver bean on Millennium Park and think it was some sort of spaceship." They were all quiet when I stopped speaking. "He didn't die or anything. he," I cleared my throat. "left when I was younger."

"Well, that's a great dream I hope you stick to it." He smiled and went back to eating his food.

The dinner was filled with the standard get to know the new girlfriend standard. I couldn't help bur wonder if they had asked these same questions to Claire. After dinner, I helped wash the dishes. Mrs. Tveit hugged me and said she was sorry I had to live without a dad. I told her that it was for the best but that I was thankful for her support. The only thing that made me feel something on the day that made me feel the most numb was when Aaron's dad brought an extra blanket down to the basement when everyone had gone to bed. I sat up when I heard his footsteps. "It get's cold down here at night, I thought you might need this."

I smiled. "Thank you." 

I expected him to leave but he just stood above me. "Look," He said. "I don't know what happened today but I can see that you are upset." He sat at my feet. "I want you to know you are a very kind and intelligent young lady and I am here for you if you need someone to talk to, you know, like a dad would."

I my lips start to quiver. It was the first time I felt like crying today. He just reached over to hug me. "Goodnight Charlotte." He walked up the stairs to his room. Turns out, I did not need the blanket because Aaron had snuck down not too long after his dad left to cuddled with me until early morning. I wish I could freeze time and feel that at home again.

(***** February 14, 2001 *****)

We walked through central park with our gifts for each other in our hands. "I have something to tell you." He said excitedly.

"What is it?"

He pulled a folded piece of paper of out his coat pocket. "I'm going to college!"

"Ahh!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly. "I'm so proud of you! Where are you going?"

"Ithaca College. They gave me the best offer for my vocal major."

"Ithaca," I tried to stay excited. "That's kind of far right?"

He nodded, still looking at the paper in disbelief. "A couple of hours, yeah but don't worry." He cradled my head in his hand. "We have the holidays and I can drive back some weekends."

I kissed back. "Let's not talk about it. I'm so proud of you." We sat down on a bench. "I got you something." I gave him the poorly wrapped gift. He unwrapped It to reveal the pink chain with the rainbow microphone charm. It was for children, but it was the thought that counted. "I'm kind of short on cash. It was on sale." He laughed. "I know how much you love to sing."

"I love it. It will be my new good luck charm." He kissed my cheek and handed me his bag. I opened it to reveal a journal. 

"Oh my god." It was the nicest thing I had ever seen.

"I'm sick of you leaving your poems on napkins in restaurants. Now you have a place to put them all."

I opened it to see there was already writing on the first page. I started to read it but Aaron closed it. "I don't want you to read it until after I leave for school, and you miss me a lot. Promise you won't?"

I grabbed the collar on his jacket and brought his face to mine. "I promise. Thank you." he gently took my top lip between his. "I love you." he breathed into my mouth.

I smiled with my eyes still closed. "I love you too."

 

(**** August 2001 ****)

"I'm going to miss you so much." I heard restraint in his voice. He was holding back tears.

I tried to laugh through my own. "You are going to have so much fun. I will be here waiting when you come back." 

"I will call you when I get there." I wiped away the tear that fell from his eye. 

"You better." We both laughed but it only made me hurt more. "I love you." I wrapped my arms around his waist and tucked my head into his chest. 

"I love you too." He talked into my hair. "So much."

I stood on my toes and kissed under his jaw. "You should go." His dad was waiting in the car already. 

Aaron walked over to his mom and hugged her and then his brother. He smiled at me one last time before getting in the car. 

 

I got home on the first day of school and took the journal. I opened it to the cover page to find Aaron's writing still there. "Charlotte Hyde, I'm sure I haven't been gone very long but I know I miss you like crazy! I just wanted to remind you to live your life. I swear to god if I find out that you spend any part of your senior year moping around I will fight you. I only say this because you made mine absolutely wonderful. As much as I wish I could be there to push you into your future along with everyone else, I cannot. So go hang out with your friends, and apply to all the colleges you can. (If you do not apply to Northwestern I will!) Well, I love you more than I love anything in this whole world. If you ever miss me too much, I want you to call me. I will always have time for you. Oh this letter is all over the place. I guess I'm just trying to say, don't feel like you can't live your life because I am not there. I love you Charlotte. Live long and prosper." I grabbed the shirt he had left me to sleep with and stuck my nose into it, wishing I could absorb his scent.

(**** December 2001 ****)

He came to my house late at night on the day he came home. Everyone was sleeping so it wasn't hard to sneak him into my room. Once my room was closed he grabbed my waist and pushed me against the wall. "I missed you so bad." I said breathlessly.

His hips were pressed against my mine and his tongue pushed between my teeth. "I missed you so much." I took off his shirt. He was much more muscular than he was before he left. I took off my shirt off while he fumbled with his belt. When he looked up he saw a bruise on my stomach. I tried to kiss him again but he pushed me away. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I'm fine." I tried to bring him to my bed but he refused.

"Did Jim do this?" He ran his fingers over the bruise.

"Yeah, but I'm fine, really." I touched his face. "I just need you now, please." I kissed him but he did not kiss back. He brought his hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm gonna kill him." 

We sat on the edge of the bed. "Fine with me. Not tonight though. Stay with me tonight." I held his ear and brought his forehead to mine.

He kissed me softly the first time but the kisses became more and more real. He cradled my head with one hand and put the other on my waist. He laid on top of me. I couldn't help but moan as he kissed my neck. "Don't go anymore." 

"Never." He promised. It was a promise I knew he could not keep, but I didn't mind at all.

I woke up wrapped in Aaron's arms with him already awake. We decided we would go for breakfast. "So I have some news to share with you." I said.

"What's up?" I saw a child in Aaron's place as he took a sip of my chocolate shake.

"I applied to NYU,"

"And?"

"I got in!"

"That's so great! Did Northwestern get back to you?"

"They did." I looked back down at my plate and took a bite. 

"What did they say?"

I looked up and balanced my head on my finger. "They accepted me." 

"Oh my god, oh my god! Char! That's great news!"

"I know, I was just thinking if I go to NYU, I could stay closer to home...to you."

"I don't think I would be able to live with myself if you stayed for me. Go for you, we can make it work."

I pushed my hair in front of my face. "You think I should go?"

"I know you should go." He took my hand in his on the table. That was it, after that it just became complicated. Complicated was hard.


	13. Chapter 13

(****June 2002****)

I wrapped my arms around Aaron's neck and rested my chin on his shoulder. His hands rested on the small of my back. "I feel weird." I said. 

"What do you mean you feel weird? I hate when you say that." It was only a moment ago that we were fighting over me leaving. 

"I hate when you react like that." I pulled away. I was wearing make up and a pretty dress and heels. Aaron was even wearing a tie. "I just feel like you're not really here. Like I'm the vacation. Like this isn't your home anymore." 

"Don't say that. I'm here with you and that's not even enough."

"Oh my god. That's not even what I'm trying to say. Can you calm down for one second?" He stormed off the dance floor, leaving me alone.

I walked over to the table were we had eaten previously. I sat down with my elbows on the table and cradled my head in my hands. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned to find Mark Way standing above me. "You okay?"

I wiped the make up I might of smeared out from under my eyes. "I'm fine Mark."

He put out his hand. "Would you like to dance?" I stood up and followed him. He danced awkwardly as I tried to keep the distance in between us. "Enjoying your prom?" He asked.

"It's alright."

"Boyfriend troubles?" I nodded. "You can vent to me if you like."

I sighed. "He's just changed a lot since me going to Chicago has become more serious. I can tell he is upset, but he doesn't want to talk about it. He just gets angry." 

"I'm sure he just wants you to be happy. I know I do." I saw Aaron walk back into the hall and sit at our table. When the song ended I walked over to him.

I put my arms over his shoulders and rubbed my hands over his chest. "What's wrong baby?" I whispered into his ear. 

He grabbed my arms and held them in place. "I'm sorry for ruining tonight." I kissed his neck lightly.

"Just tell me what's wrong." 

I sat next to him and ran my hands through his hair to grab his head. "I can't think of a way to cope with you leaving."

"You could come with me." It was something I always considered but never voiced. 

"Hmm I don't think moving out of New York is the right move for a theatre major."

"Okay. Then we can go to Alaska."

"Alaska?" I inched my face towards his.

"Mmhmm." My favorite place was a centimeter away from his lips. I could feel his breath, I could feel his wanting. "We could raise a moose or something."

"Or a baby." I opened my eyes in shock. "And we could name him something dumb, like moose." 

I laughed. "Mr. Tveit you might as well quit theatre and become a professional moment killer."

"I like the way you say that." He put his hand on my knee. "Dance with me Mrs. Tveit."

We stood and walked to the crowd of people dancing. "If only!" I replied, taking his hand and pulling him into an awkward dance move. 

"Marry me then." He pulled me close.

I pecked his lips. "I will, one day." 

"I am proud to announce to you all, the class of 2002!" Everyone cheered and threw their hats up to the ceiling of the gym. I did not cry, but I understood why everyone else was. I found Aaron with my mom, Jess, and Dom in the foyer waiting for me. I ran to Aaron's arms instinctively, though, he was not as enthusiastic as I. "Congratulations," Dom said. "We are so proud of you." "We are." My mother stood tall. She looked past me, but I think I saw a tear in her eye. I tried to hug my sister but her pregnant belly got in the way. We were going to her house because Dom wanted to use his new grill.

Aaron trailed behind as we walked towards the doors. I slowed my pace to line up with him. He put his arm around my shoulders. "Good job." I hugged his waist as we walked.

"Something wrong?" I stood straight again and he squeezed my shoulders with his arm. 

"I'm good." He kissed the side of my head. "I'm so proud of you."

My mom left right after we ate so it was just my sister, Dom, Aaron, and myself sitting around a fire in their backyard. "So are you excited to be in Illinois?" My sister asked.

"Of coarse." I squeezed Aaron's hand. "Not too excited to be leaving this one though."

I saw him clench his jaw. "Have you guys talked about it at all?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Have we talked about the fact that we are going to be in different time zones? No I don't see why we would." My sarcasm was blatant.

"I'm just saying, you guys should look at the reality of the situation."

"We have so I don't know why you think this is the best time to talk about this. Plus, we have until August so,"

"August is only two months away." Dom added his input.

It was very awkward after that. My head which was one resting on Aaron's shoulder now sat straight on my own. Jess eventually said how she was exhausted as an invitation for us to leave. The car ride back to my house was silent. 

"Are you coming in?" I asked as he pulled into the driveway.

"I could."

I was tired and frustrated. Definitely not the best mood. "Don't if you don't want to."

"Then I'll come in." He slammed on the steering wheel with his hands.

"Fine." We both exited the vehicle in an aggressive manner. We went to my room. I sat on my bed and he sat on the floor. "So two months." I said staring at my feet.

"Do you think it would be easier if you thought you could see other people?" 

I looked up to find he was avoiding my gaze as well. "Is that what you want?"

"No."

"Then why would you bring it up if that's not what you want?"

"I just thought it might be something you wanted."

We sat in silence for a good while. "I'm going to shower." I walked to the bathroom down the hall. When I closed the door behind me, I barely dressed down to my underwear before I started to cry. Why was this so difficult? I just wished I could stop caring. I almost thought I could, then I would think of the way he uses a napkin, or something and would remember that I couldn't stop caring, no matter how hard I tried.

I heard a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I tried to wipe away the tears, smearing any makeup I had on. 

"It's me, can I come in?" I unlocked the door and he walked in. I tried to wipe the make up from my face as Aaron walked behind me. He moved my hair off one of my shoulders and brought his lips to my ear. "Can I join you?" I exhaled deeply. "Mmhm," 

After our shower, we laid in my bed. I was in his button down shirt and he was in his boxers. We played with each others hand's above us. ""Have you been using your journal?" He asked. I nodded. "Read me something." I reached to my nightstand and brought out the small black book and flipped through the pages. "What would you like to hear?"

He smiled. "Anything." 

"This is a fun one." It was the first one I had written after he left. "I want to shake your laughing face, our world is a house of card, my heart is leveled by the sweep of broken bones, time is snapping it's jaws at our clasped hands." I looked at him for feed back.

"Pretty heavy."

I flipped to a different page. "How about: "I am filled with tiny white dots. I want to kiss you on an ugly hill." 

"I love them both." He kissed me for a long time. "I love you." 

(****December 2002****)

I decided to not go home for Christmas. Aaron was busy, I was busy, my family didn't care, and to top it all off, I was the typical college student, not even enough money to pay for a train ride. My RA, Paul, knocked on my open door. "What's going on Charlotte?"

His silhouette stood tall as he leaned on my door. I turned my swivel chair towards him. "I'm staying here I think."

He smirked. "You don't say, I will also be residing in these empty halls through this harsh winter." I pushed hair behind my ear and laughed.

"Maybe we can keep each other company in this ghost town." 

He looked down and then back up at me. "What are you doing tonight?"

I looked around the empty room. "I think I'm free."

"Maybe I'll swing by later, to get something to eat?"

I nodded. "Sounds great."

I heard a knock on my door. "Hey Paul," He was carrying a pizza and a six pack of beer. "You came prepared." 

I took my third beer. "So why are you not going home for the holidays?" I asked.

"I hate the holidays." He laughed to himself. "And my family. How about yourself?"

"I actually came from New York and cannot afford to go home. Plus, my family is not the most chummy bunch."

He brought his face closer to mine as we spoke. "I'm glad you stayed." I could smell the alcohol on his breath. "Me too." He kissed me, and it was...different. The only person I had kissed before then was Aaron. This kiss was much messier, it was unfamiliar grounds. Paul was much less compassionate than Aaron. Then again, I couldn't blame him, I hadn't been in a relationship with him for almost three years. I didn't push him away until he started to reach his hand up my shirt. "I can't do this." We both breathed heavily.

"Why not?"

"I have a boyfriend who I am currently devoted to." I rubbed my forehead with my palm.

He smoothed down his hair. "You didn't go home, I assumed it was over between you two."

"Yeah, I know, it's my fault, I should have told you earlier. Sorry." He left after that. I called Aaron later that night; he didn't answer.


	14. Chapter 14

(****March 2003****)

Tonight was another night that was to be filled with coffee and poorly taken notes. Yes, I was pulling one of the many all-nighters I had taken in my college career. It was around 3:00 AM when the name "Aaron" shone bright on my phone's small blue screen. I picked it up, my head reeling from the work. "Hello?" I said almost nervously. "Hey, I'm sorry it's so late." "It's no problem, what's up?" "I was just wondering how you were doing." he asked. "I'm really good. My professor just asked me to take my short story to the next level. He says I have real potential as a creative writer. What have you been up to?" "That's so great!" he cleared his voice. "I actually have been working on a play here at school, I'm the lead." "I'm so happy for you." I balanced the phone between my cheek and ear as I put my hair into a bun. "So how are your parents?" "They're good; they miss you. It's been awhile since you've been home." I scoffed. "I miss them too. And I've just been busy," I switched ears. "You know, school stuff." Aaron was the one to break the silence. "Well I'll let you get back to sleep. I'll talk to you soon." I bit the inside of my lip. "Bye Aaron."

I tried to go back to work but my mind was clouded. I picked up the phone and redialed the number. The phone rang three times before I heard him answer. "Hello?" I said again, my voice had cracked and I was holding back tears.

"Hey," He laughed strangely. 

I wiped my eyes. "Would you like to come over?" 

"Yeah, I'll be there in an hour." He laughed through what sounded like his own tears. I laughed as well. "Give me a day or so. I will be there." 

I help my hand over my mouth. "I miss you so much."

"I'll be there soon Charlotte, I swear I will."

Next weekend, Aaron had kept his promise and took a plane to see me. I picked him up at the airport and gave him a tour around campus. We took a stop by a fountain on the quad. "So what have you been up to?"

I looked over to him with a sort of look on my face. "Writing." I buttoned a button he had missed on his shirt. "And writing and writing and writing." I brought his arm around my shoulders and laid on his chest. "What's up with you."

"I wanted to talk to you about that." he combed his fingers through my hair.

"What is it?" 

"I'm leaving school. Going on tour with a show."

"When are you leaving?" I looked up at him.

"Early July. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Don't be sorry. I'm so happy for you." I kissed him. "I'm so happy. This is so great!" He cradled my face and kissed me as if we had never been apart. It was harder though. Harder to ignore the fact that soon, we would be apart again, only farther. He would be traveling and I, would be steadfast, stuck in a metal cage away from him. 

We laid in my bed together, under my comforter. My roommate was kicked out for the night for it was my turn to use the tie-on-door method. "Is it hard for you when we're apart."

"Aaron, it kills me."

"It kills me too." he kissed my head. "I don't even remember how to not miss you. Being here with you, knowing I have to leave, is hard." I gently ran my finger up and down his arm. 

"Remember that time, when we went to time square in the summer before my senior year and took pictures with everyone in an "I heart NY" shirt?"

He laughed. "Remember when we were on the subway and that guy offered for you to sit on his lap?" 

"Oh yeah!" I laughed at the memory. "Then you started to sit on his lap and he got up and stood on the other side of the train, leaving us both with a seat."

"We were babies when we met."

I looked at Aaron and tried to see his high school self. He had changed so much, yet he was so constant. "So young." He ran his hand down my shoulder and down to my waist. "I worry about you a lot."

"What do you worry about?"

"That you're not out there, doing something dumb. I worry about us, too." He pushed my hair out of my face. "What about us?" I grabbed his had. "That I won't be able to stop needing you."


	15. Chapter 15

(****May 2003****)

"Have we met before?" I looked up from my notebook quickly, hoping the stranger did not see the doodle of the tree I made in the corner of my notes. 

"I don't believe so." I adjusted my glasses, trying to see the person clearer through the sun, all I saw was curly brown hair.

He sat next to me under the tree. "Well you're in my spot."

I glared up over my glasses. "Your spot?" He nodded. "I didn't know you could claim land."

"I've been here all year so I consider it mine. What're you studying for?" 

"Psychology. I spend a decent amount of time in this spot as well."

"What do ya know! We've been sharing a spot." I tucked a hair that fell out of my ponytail behind my ear. "You can keep studying. I'm just here to enjoy the view." He looked out at the lake front. I tried to go back to studying though, my mind was somewhere else. "What's your name?" He asked.

"Charlotte." I scribbled gibberish across the lined paper.

"I'm Robin. This isn't really my spot."

"Then why are you here?" I asked, frustrated.

"You looked glum. I thought I would see what's wrong." He looked at me questioningly.

I rolled my eyes. "You know how it is during finals."

"I don't actually." He laid his head on the bark. "Never went to college. Joined the army instead." I was quiet. "I'm visiting my brother. He seems to like it."

"Oh," 

"So why are you really upset?"

"You're a stranger. You don't want to here about my boring personal problems."

He grinned. "I don't think anyone wants to here about your troubles. I might as well take one for the team." I smiled to myself. "Where are you from?"

"Suburb in New York. How do you know I'm not from here?"

"You don't exactly have the Chicago accent. Why did you come here?"

"I'm starting to forget."

"Why is that?"

"I left a lot behind."

"Like a family of seven and four cats?"

I laughed. "Something like that."

"I know what it's like to be homesick, trust me, it gets easier."

"Thanks Robin."

He took my pen and scribbled his number next to tree. "Call me if you ever want to talk." 

(*****July 2003*****)

I danced around Aaron's kitchen while singing my very own rendition of "Anything Goes" and successfully over cooking noodles I had put on the stove in an attempt to make us a nice dinner for our last night together. I twirled into Aaron's arms and wrapped my arms around his neck as I finished my final note. He held his hands around my waist. "Why don't you cool down Reno Sweeney."

"You're just upset that you're not the only talented one in this relationship." I pecked his lips.

"I guess that's it." I turned off the oven and strained the noodles. I put them in broth and served Aaron. He said his throat was hurting and I wasn't really the best cook so soup was usually my go to. When we finished eating I noticed Aaron rubbing the back of his neck. 

I went behind his chair and rubbed his shoulders. "That show really took a lot out of you." 

He leaned his head into my chest. "I'm just glad you're here."

"Even if I just dance around your apartment to poorly sung show tunes?"

"I could bask in your poorly sung show tunes forever." He kissed under my jaw and I let out a loud breath. He stood up and walked over to the couch. I found his heat pack where he left it at his parents house. I walked over to him and straddled his lap, placing the pack on his neck. "Better?" 

I could see he was tired. I started to climb off of him but he grabbed my thigh, pulling me back on to his lap. I waited for him to say something but nothing ever came, he just stared at my lips. It wasn't long before he acted on the thoughts I know he was having. He kisses my collarbone after he took off my shirt. "Your roommate is going to be home soon." This did not stop him though. In fact, he didn't stop anything until we heard the locks on the door undo. We fumbled off the couch, leaving our clothes behind, and jumped to his room. We fell on to his bed laughing. I climbed under his comforter, him following. "What are you going to do once I'm gone?" He played with my hair, now much shorter than he was used to. 

"I'm thinking Alaska. Maybe France? I want to finish my story." 

I felt his body tense. "I wish you would just stay here. Where it's safe. Can't you just write in a coffee shop like a normal person?"

We laughed. "I wish you could just stay here." 

"I guess we're both pretty selfish." I laid my head in his chest and he begin to strum his fingers through my hair. "How is your sister?"

I shrugged. "She has, like, five kids now. She doesn't really have time for me anymore. My mom moved to Iowa with Jim. I know you're curious."

"That was sort of a dick move."

"What's new?" 

"When I come back, I'll stay."

"And we can elope."

"And have kids."

"And get a dog."

"Four dogs."

(****March 2004****)

"You don't think this is hard for me?!" His voice raised. "You're everywhere for me! I can't even look at a notebook without thinking about your writing! I miss you so much people don't even ask what's wrong with me anymore!"

"You broke it off with me! Remember!?"

"Because I thought it would be best for you, you could move on, be who you always wanted to be!" He started to calm down. "I thought that was what I wanted."

"I can't be who I want without you." 

"Yes you can. I'm only holding you back. Go to Alaska, write your book. Live your life."

I was crying. "Come with me."

He pulled me into his body. "I will be here waiting."

"No you won't! You will be on the road again," I was too flustered to continue.

"I will still be waiting. Anywhere I go."


	16. Chapter 16

(****June 2004****)

"I finished my book." We sat around the fire pit. It was about three in the morning and everyone else had gone to bed. 

"So what comes now?"

I flipped my hair out of my face. "I send it in to a publisher." He sipped his beer. "Now I just have to pray."

"Tell me about it." 

"What do you want to hear?"

"All there is to know." Aaron smiled his Aaron smile.

I bit the inside of my lip and smiled. Robin was back to the army and so I tried to only talk about happy things when we did talk. Aaron was only on break from his tour so I haven't really had anyone to talk to. "Well it's about a boy."

"Very nice."

"He has a speech impediment."

"Go on."

"And he loves to sing."

"I can see the problem."

"So he has to metaphorically and physically find his voice."

"That's all?"

"He has red hair." He opened his arms and I walked over and sat in his lap. His body was something mine would never forget, knowing exactly how and where to sit.

"What's your favorite part of the book?"

I thought for a moment. "I like the cover I planned out for it. It has a fish in a bowl with a toy sail boat. You know, symbolic stuff."

He laughed through his yawn. "This is a big deal man."

"Don't I know it." I tried to remember the last time he had touched me, even kissed me. "Ready for bed?" He nodded and we both stood. 

I gave him a quick tour of the townhouse that I shared with two other girls. Once we got to my room it became awkward. Whenever we visited each other we always slept in the same bed. This time was different. I went to the mirror to take out my contacts. Before I could even turn on the light he stepped in front of me. He kissed me. I felt bumps rise throughout my body. My eyes stayed closed. I tried to remember a time when these kisses were expected rather than cherished. 

The next night I took him to my favorite spot. We just had to climb a short fence and sit on a sort of concrete pier. It was, in my opinion, the best view of the city. "It's beautiful." He said. "It makes me worry that you will never want to come back to New York."

I laid my head on his shoulder. "I can't go back."

"Why not?" 

"I lived there for 18 years. Before you, there were at least 10 years of terrible memories."

"I understand." I'm sure he did, and unfortunately, so did I. It meant we could never really be together. He had no intention of leaving and I was too stubborn to ever go back. 

"What happened to us?"

"I think about that all the time." He pressed his forehead against my own when I sat up. 

I laid my leg across his lap. "When did we exit that cute stage were people look at us and say 'I want a relationship like that'?" 

"Now we're an old bickering pair who people promise not to become."

"This is the worst thing."

"There are some perks though."

"Like what?"

"I know things about you that you might not even know about yourself."

"Prove it." 

He thought for a second. "I know you try really hard to like mustard but every time you eat it you get sick. I know you act like scary movies don't scare you but you have really bad nightmares when you watch them. I know you put up walls. Walls that you put up, knowing I will do everything in my power to tear down." I brought my lips to his, grabbing on to his shirt, trying to be a close to him as I could. 

"I don't think I will ever be able to be as close to anyone as close as I am with you."

He grabbed my waist. "You don't have to." I continued kissing his neck. "Marry me."

"I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it." 

"Well?"

"I decided I don't believe in it."

"Why not?"

"They never end well. It's because no one likes being stuck. I don't need a piece of paper to prove I love you."

"I'm not trying to tie you down. I just think it would be a way to make it easier."

"Not now baby. In a few years when my book is published, and you are the most successful broadway boy in the land. And we're happy when things are less broken."

"I want kids."

"Mmhm," I played with his hands. 

"I want a little boy. Having a girl would just be too hard, especially if she looked anything like you."

"You know how to make a girl swoon." I laid my head in his chest and he stroked my head. 

"You would make a great mom."

"Why is that?"

"Well first of all, you have the most fertile birthing hips I have ever laid my eyes on."

"Is that just a nice way of saying I have a huge ass?" I joked.

"It's a quality ass." He took my face and kissed my lips. "And you're kind. You have a lot to share."

"That's what my books are for." He playfully scowled at me. "We would have a cute baby though." I brushed an eyelash off his cheek. "A little boy, your blue eyes, your smile,"

"No your eyes. You have the most beautiful eyes. Your compassion."

"Your sense of humor."

"Your facial structure!"

I blushed. "Your bangin' bod." We burst out in laughter, real laughter. 

"I think it would be best if you never used modern slang ever again." He said.

I nodded. "I know stuff about you too."

"Like what?"

"I know you're happiest when you're busy. I know you love your whole heart. You love unconditionally, isn't that right?"

"I suppose. I take em as they come."

I laughed and crawled on top of him. "What if I had three ears, then what?"

"So be it."


	17. Chapter 17

(****February 14, 2005****)

"So what is your big news?" I asked.

"Okay, are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Alright, I'm going to be on Broadway!"

"Congratulations! What show?"

"Hairspray, I'm playing link."

"Romantic lead, I like!"

He laughed. "Now you just have to come out to see me. Hopefully we can spend next valentines day together."

"Well, I did recently sent my new book to a publisher and they want to have an interview as soon as possible!"

"That's great! I wish I could see you."

"That's the fun part, my interview's in New York!"

He let out a sigh of relief. "When are you coming out?"

"Next weekend. So prepare yourself!"

"Oh my god this is so great Charlotte! I just, I just want to smell you!"

"I cannot wait to be smelt." 

(****June 2005****)

I let out a squeal of joy as I jumped onto Robin's back in the airport. "Hey!" He enthused. 

"I'm so glad you are home." I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed. When I released, I noticed how the circles around his eyes had become dark and the lines in his face deeper. 

"It's good to be home." He smiled at me, almost weakly.

I brought him back to my house where my roommates and their boyfriends awaited Robin's arrival. They all loved him. He was funny, he could make a whole room laugh at the snap of his fingers. He was charming too, you would think their boyfriends would mind my roommates blatant swooning, but they didn't because they loved him just as much. "Welcome back!" The exclaimed as we walked into the backyard. He greeted them as enthusiastically as he could. We sat around the fire after we ate and it started to become dark. 

It became silent after they finished explaining what he had missed in the world of sports. "So how's Aaron doing?" He asked me.

I bit the inside of my cheeks as I tried to remember the last time I saw him. They watched as they waited for my answer. "You know," I laughed breathily as I adjusted myself in my seat. "I spent a weekend with him in New York a few months ago." They just stared in amazement. "And we talk on the phone, of coarse. He's just busy." Still, silence. "He's going to be on Broadway."

"That's really cool!" They all said in different words.

"Yeah, so, he's just been," I missed him so much. "Busy." The girls sympathized me with pity congratulations while the guys just shook their head. "It's really not that bad. I mean, I miss him, of coarse but it's for the best." Robin grabbed my hand when he noticed how upset I was starting to become.

"Have you guys agreed to make things less serious?" One of their boyfriends asked.

"No, why?"

He shrugged. "You said you haven't seen each other in a few months." He looked to his side and laughed. "That can be a little rough if you know what I'm trying to say." I rolled my eyes and walked back into the house. 

Robin followed me as they all tried to convince me it was a joke. I went to the kitchen and aggressively tried to wash the dishes. Robin stood behind me and rubbed my shoulders. "Don't be like this, bug." He called me that sometimes. I turned around and laid my head on his chest. "I hate that you get so upset over him."

"I'm sorry you have to deal with it on your first day back."

"I would do anything if that meant getting to be around you. I missed you more than you know."

I did know, because I missed him in a way I will never be able to describe. "I missed you too."

"I feel like I'm hiding something from you."

I walked out of his embrace. "What do you mean?"

He rubbed his face and ran his hand through his curls. "When I was gone, I thought about you all the time. I witnessed some terrible stuff Charlotte, like really bad. Still, I would just think about you and I would be...better. I more than missed you, in a way, I sort of needed you." In that moment, everything started to make sense. I wanted to be there for him, and I started to feel pain knowing that in the moments when he needed me most, I couldn't be there. I didn't know what to say so I decided it would be best if I just grabbed his hand and bask in the silence. That was something I didn't mind doing with silence. There was so much to be said, but we didn't mind.

(***August 2005***)

"Yeah, my niece's birthday is in a few days so I'm coming out there soon."

"Are you staying? Do you think I can see you?"

"I think we will. We have a lot to talk about."

"Okay, I have to go break is ending I have to get back to work. I'll see you soon though."

"Bye Aaron."


	18. Chapter 18

AUTHORS NOTE: to my very few but loyal viewers, I am happy/devasted to announce that our story is coming to a close. I will write up to chapter 20 (hopefully in the next few days or so). I have never finished anything like this so it is to be very exciting! It has been a long journey, with many emotions and an abundance of typos. I would just like to thank YOU for sticking with me. Enjoy :)

　

(***December 25 2001***)

"Come on! I know you know the words!"

"Only because you're always singing it!"

"That's because it's the only song I know how to play! Please," I batted my eyelashes at him.

He gigggled. "Fine!"

I grabbed his arm and dragged him into the empty acoustic room. I grabbed a ukulele and sat on a stool, Aaron sat on the bench in front of me. "Ready?" I asked while laughing.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

I held the uke and counted off. "1 2 3 4," I started to play the chords. I cued him in with a nod.　

"Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight  
When it's exactly twelve o'clock that night  
Welcoming in the Christmas  
Christmas eve"

"Oh you put your own twist, I like it." I joined in this time.

"Maybe I'm crazy to suppose,

I'de ever bet the one you chose."

"Oh I'de choose you every time."

"Out of the thousand,

Invitations! You've RECEIVED!"

He tried to harmonize with me but we were giggling too much to even make a solid sound.

I put the ukulele down because I couldn't stop laughing. It was probably because I was so unbelievably happy. I sat across his lap. "Merry Chirstmas my love."

　

"Merry Christmas Charlotte."

(****August 2005****)

I took my sister's car and met Aaron at a local diner. When Aaron actually arrived, it was already an hour after our set time to meet. I sat at a booth, picking at a sandwich I had no appetite for. Aaron rushed in and looked around the restaurant to find me. "I'm so sorry, rehearsal ran late, I'm so sorry."

I grabbed the hand he laid on the table. "It's okay." I tried to smile.

"You alright? What did you want to talk about?"

I sat back in my seat. "I don't even know how to say this."

"Say what? Char, what's wrong?"

I looked into his eyes and saw our whole relationship. Every "I love you", every fight, every kiss. "I think we should end this."

"What? Why?" His voice was filled with concern.

I was still trying to make sense of everything. "Remember in the beginning, when you kind of became my knight in shining armor, saving me from my terribly awful home life?" he nodded. "Well, I don't need to be saved anymore. And that's all thanks to you. You made me a decent human being, so thank you."

"I still don't understand."

"You gave me so much of you. And what did I give, Aaron? I just keep taking, and taking." His eyes became glass like as he stared back at me. "And what did I give you?"

It was a rhetorical question but he answered anyway. "You made me happy."

He was holding back his tears, making it much harder to continue. "I'm a mess when I'm not with you. I lose weight, my hair falls out, I don't sleep."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"I need to find who I am now, without you. We say all these things, "I can't wait until I can be with you forever" or "After this I will never leave. I just can't wait for that anymore."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I still love you! Does that even make a difference? Do I even have a say in this?"

"I think we've said it all before, a million times over. It's just not working."

"So that's it? It's been a good five years, see ya later!" He said sarcastically.

"Don't be like this. We can try-"

He shook his head. "No I'm not going to play this break up game. If you're going to go, go." I didn't let the tears change the expression on my face, I tried to casually wipe them from my face.

"I can't wait forever." I said as I stood, my voice steadier than I thought it would be.

He cradled his head in his hands. "Leave then." So I did. He never hailed me back, he didn't even make a sound.

　

(***January 2004***)

We sat in my sisters living room. The fire had been burning all night and was slowly dwindling down. The girls were sleeping upstairs in their beds. My sister had gone on a well deserved date with Dom. Aaron's head laid in my lap while I combed his blond locks out of his face. "I just can't catch a break." I said as we discussed my writing career.

"You're being too hard on yourself. You haven't even graduated yet."

I exhaled loudly. "It's just hard. I just feel like I'm stuck and I'll just be here forever."

"You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.

You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.

Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.

Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't

Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so

but, sadly, it's true

and Hang-ups

can happen to you."

I grabbed his face when he sat up in front of me. "Did you just quote Dr. Suess?"

"I did." He kissed me while softly pushing me down to lay as he climbed on top of me.

He began kissing my neck. "I can't believe I am in love with someone who quotes children's novels."

"I like monologues." I breathily laughed at his theater major antics.

"If you had to choose between me or monologues, which would you pick?"

He sat up. "Probably monologues." I scowled at him jokingly. He kissed me until we heard a loud cry come from the monitor. I didn't mind too much. I loved watching Aaron with kids. I loved Aaron.


	19. Chapter 19

(***September 2009***)  
"So, all this publicity going around for your book, this must be pretty overwhelming for you."

"It's been amazing to hear people are really enjoying the story I put so much of myself into, it's been extremely rewarding. That's what I've always really loved about books. It's so personal and it's just like I'm giving every reader a little piece of my soul."

"Has anyone ever recognized you in public?"

"Well, I have a few times but not very often. Still, I have been stared and pointed at by people think it might be me but they're not sure. So, it's the real struggle of being an author!"

"I see the problem." The crowd cheered for some reason. "You recently graduated, is that right?"

"Three years ago, from Northwestern University. Class of 2006!"

"You must be so young! How old are you?"

"I just turned 25 actually." They all cheered again. "Gettin' old."

"I just can't get over that! What was it like writing a book while having to juggle a personal life, and a school life?"

"It was something that came sort of natural to me because I was just kind of always writing. Even when I was just in class and I noticed someone sleeping I would just be like 'I wonder if I could make them a character in my story!' so it was ultimately a never ending process."

"Well there is a lot of romance in thsi novel, which I think all your fans can agree was so well done, so real. What was your inspiration for that."

I adjusted myself in my seat. "I've actually been in two relationships in my life, three if you count in preschool when my boyfriend of two days cheated on me with a girl who owned a trampoline." I paused for the laughter. "So that gives you a peak into my love life. But, yeah, when I was writing this I was in my first relationship and so it was easy to portray a lot of the things I felt and put it in the story."

"Have you ever gotten to thank him for your success?"

I looked down at my pretty shoes. "Our relationship came to an abrupt end before I got to finish the book, so no I did not."

"May I ask why?"

I smiled at her. "We were young, I think we had been dating for almost five years so when things ended I kind of cut off all contact. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time."

"At the time?"

"I wish things would have ended better. We were both so stubborn and determined to succeed in our careers that we didn't have time for each other. He was still my best friend. I still loved him, I just didn't like him very much anymore. It makes sense in my mind, I'm not very good with words."

"We've all been there." She flashed a smile with her insanely bright teeth. "You said you've been in two relationships, who is the second?"

"I am a recently engaged lady but as I said before, one of the perks of being an author is getting to live a semi normal life, so I like to keep it on the down low." She thanked me for coming to the show and announced that everyone in the audience was going to be taking home a copy of my book. When I exited the stage I jumped into Robin's arms. 

"You did so great!" He said as we walked hand in hand back to my dressing room.

"Really? I just felt awkward."

We closed the door behind us and he stood in front of me. "It's a good kind of awkward." He kissed me passionately. My phone started ringing while he was kissing my neck. I ran to my purse and took out my phone to find it was my sister calling.

"Hello?" I said. Robin stood behind me and lightly touched my ear with his lips. 

"You're not going to believe who just called me!"

"Who?" I asked, not really interested.

"Aaron!"

"Who?" I tried to focus but I was too caught up in all the lust. 

"Tveit, you know, ex boyfriend, actor, devastating break up."

I snapped back to reality. I shrugged Robin off of me. "Why did he call?"

"He says he wants to meet up with you."

"When? Where? Why didn't he just call me?"

"Look don't kill the messenger here. I'll give you the number and you can ask him yourself."

I swallowed loudly. "Okay."

(***August 2005. 2 weeks post break up***)

"Charlotte we ordered pizza, you want any?"

"Nope."

I heard the door slowly start to open. My roommates stood over my bed. "You need to eat something."

"Not hungry."

"You've been watching Lion King for the past 3 days. I don't think you've even got out of bed!"

"Why does it matter?"

Elle, who was a year older than me, sat next to me on my bed. "I know you think moping around, watching Disney movies, and avoiding your responsibilities is going to make you forget, but it's not."

"Aaron showed me this movie before we started dating."

"All the more reason to turn it off." She took my remote and turned off the TV. "Go outside, read a book, eat some pizza. You need to distract yourself." 

So I did. I distracted myself, keeping busy. I didn't even talk to anyone besides my roommates until a six months later, when I remembered Robin. When I contacted him, he asked me on a real date, it was a real adult date and it made me forget everything. A lot had changed in the time we spent apart. He confessed his severe case of PTSD and how he was probably never going to go back to the army. I loved Robin because he was everything I was not. Kind of how I fell for Aaron.


	20. Chapter 20

The rain was loud even inside the coffee shop. There were only a few people so I spotted him right away. He stared at the table while playing with the sleeve on his coffee. After ordering my own coffee, I smoothed down my hair and walked over to the two person table he sat at. He stood when he saw me. It was hard to believe that the last time I saw him in person, I was a completely different self. "Hey!" We both said at the same time, only making each other laugh more nervously. 

"You look so different!" I said as we sat.

He looked down at himself as if he was trying to remember what he looked like. "Less awkward, I know." We laughed again. "So what have you been up to?" He asked.

"My book was published, so that's been fun. I've seen your face around town, so I assume things have been going alright."

"Yeah, I'm on cloud nine. It's pretty great."

I sipped my coffee. "As is life."

He pointed to my finger. "So you're engaged?"

"I am, to Robin, actually."

He look down at the table. "I always knew he was my main competitor." We laughed and then smiled at each other. "You're so different." 

"It's been a long time."

"About 4 years actually." It was crazy to think about. "You know, for five years you were my everything. Then one day, it all just stopped. I still don't know how you expected me to do that."

I shook my head slightly. "Don't do this."

"I always thought I would be the one to put a ring on that extremely small finger of yours." It was true, I had small hands. "I always thought I would do a lot of thinks."

"I loved you Aaron. I loved you too much, and it drove me insane. Let's be real here, you didn't need me as much as I needed you. That's why I have Robin. I'm there for him just as much as he is here for me. I know this doesn't seem like much to you but I just think that is what holds our relationship together. It's less messy this way."

"I did need you, Charlotte." It was awkwardly silent for a couple of minutes. "What was it like for you after we broke up?"

"It was awful. I would dial your number over and over, not being able to press "call". It was terrible for my social life but it did wonders for my academics. How was it for you?"

He grinned while leaning back in his chair. "Let's just say I took my first sick day after that." we laughed to lighten the mood. "Besides having to see you in pain, it was the hardest thing I had to live through. I ate chocolates and sang sad love songs."

"Oh I would love to see that."

"I don't think you would. It was pretty horrific." His voice became familiar again. 

"So why did you want to meet me today? Why now?"

He shrugged. "I just missed you."

"I thought it was because you didn't want me to spill all your dirty little secrets after you become a huge mega star."

"That too, obviously."

"Can I tell you why I honestly came?" he nodded while drinking his coffee.

"I don't want you to be gone again. I want to be friends."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I don't know if I can be just friends. It took so long to really get over you and forgive you and now you're here and all these memories are just coming back, I just don't know."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you. I really am. It's just, there was a time when I would of done anything for you. You gave me the ability to love after I had taught myself to be numb."

"Then why didn't you merry me?" I bit the inside of my cheek. "You didn't believe in it. You say how I meant so much to you but you definitly don't have any proof that you mean what you say."

"I can honestly say I did what I did for the right reasons. You didn't have time for me and that's what hurt the most! If you would of stopped me from leaving that restaurant and said 'I want this to work. Move to New York, go to NYU, we'll get married, and we will never spend another second apart.' I would of."

"That's not what I wanted from you! I wanted you to live the life you dreamed of your whole life!" I wanted this to be over. I wish I could just run away. It was easier than this. "I wish we met five years from now."

"If there's anything I learned so far, it's that everything happens for a reason." he avoided my gaze. "An interviewer told me to thank you the other day."

"Why?"

"For giving me my story. Thank you."

"I suppose, you're welcome." He smiled, his regular smile. It got me through hard time and followed me through the best times. "Where's my 30% cut?"

I grinned at him. "I don't want to lose this again."

He smiled back. "Me either."

Epilogue:

I Waddled back stage with only ten minutes before the show was to start. I wandered through the halls with Robin, trying to find Aaron's dressing room. We opened the door and he greeted us excitedly. "You're huge!" He said while looking at my round stomach. 

"Only four more months!" 

"That's crazy!" He shook Robin's hand. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We thought we would see this acclaimed show of yours."

"That's so great! I really think you're gonna like it."

"We also want to ask you something." Robin said.

"What is it?"

"We want you you to be the Godfather of Sandrine!"

"Oh my god! Oh my god of coarse!" He hugged me and then Robin. "Sandrine?"

I looked at Robin and smiled, remembering the night I couldn't get comfortable so he stayed up with me and thought of names. "This whole naming thing is a work in progress."

"I like Sandrine. It reminds me of citrus." Aaron said. 

I turned to Robin. "See?" we left Aaron with our well wishes for his show. "Break a leg Mr. Abagnale."

As I sat in my seat, I watched him, and what he had become. I squeezed Robin's hand and smiled when I actually started to cry in some parts of the show. Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the happy. All my life, I was scared to say something makes me happy and once again, Aaron had given me the ability to do so. Things were different now, not broken, just different.


End file.
